Monday, November 26, 2012

The Township Officer Fortune

John, a single township officer, lived at home with his aging father and worked in the family's lucrative construction business.

One day his father turned gravely ill and John was informed by the family lawyer that John would inherit the family  fortune should his father pass.  Realizing he wasn't getting any younger and that he was not prepared to manage the family business as well as serve on the township board, John decided it was time for him to find a wife with whom he could share his life and start a family.

Not knowing how to get started with finding a wife, John joined a local singles dating club.  While at his first meeting, he met a stunning woman who took his breath away.  From the conversation they had, it seemed she had all the attributes John wanted in a wife. 
As the evening came to a close, John said, "I may look like an ordinary guy but I assure you I am a well established township officer with a great job.  My father, who is currently ailing, is expected to die in a few weeks and I have been informed that I alone stand to inherit the family fortune conservatively estimated to be worth approximately $22 million."  Impressed, the attractive woman asked for one of John's business cards.

Three days later, she stopped by the township hall.  John spotted her and asked the Township Chair if they could take a quick recess.  John ran over to her and asked what she was doing at the meeting.  She said, "I just stopped in to inform you that as of this morning, I am your new stepmother."

Thursday, November 15, 2012

How I Wound Up Working For Local Government

It was local government day and several students from the local high school civics class took a field trip to City Hall.  While at City Hall they were given a tour of many of the City Offices, they met with several members of the City Council and finally they had a brief meeting with the Mayor.

While meeting with the Mayor one of the students asked the Mayor how he wound up in local government.  The Mayor took a deep breath then said "Well when I was young I dreamt of going to medical school and becoming a Doctor.  I wanted to help people in need, unfortunately I did not pass the entrance exam. I remember that day so well."

My father had driven me to the University and all of us incoming students who wanted to enroll in the Medical program were brought into a large lecture hall. There were about 50 of us wanna be Doctors and we were all administered a one question test.

There were five letters on a piece of paper:  P N E S I.

We were told to rearrange these five letters to spell a part of the human body that is really not useful until it is totally erect.

Well, those students who spelt SPINE were admitted into the medical college and all as far as I know went on to become great Doctors. The rest of us had to choose different career paths and that's how I wound up going into local government and becoming Mayor.


Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Where Is The School Teachers Passport?

After retiring from a 32-year career as a high school math teacher, Mr. White arrived in Paris.  He was part of a group of retired teachers taking a tour of northern Europe.  When he arrived at the customs check-in counter, the French customs official asked to see his passport.

Frantically Mr. White searched his coat pockets to try and locate his passport.  After several minutes of waiting, the French official sarcastically asked, "You have been to France before, Monsieur?"  
"Yes I have," replied Mr. White. 

"Well then," the customs agent said rudely.  "As a school teacher and former traveler to France, you should know you must have your passport ready upon entering our country."
Mr. White said, "I truly am sorry.  It's taking so long to find my passport but the last time I was here, I didn't have to show it." 
"Impossible." replied the custom's official.  "Americans are always required to show their passports upon arrival in  France!" 

Mr. White stopped searching, looked the customs agent straight in the in the eye and said, "Sir, the last time I visited France was in 1944.  I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day to help liberate your country.  On that particular day, there were no French officials anywhere on the beach to look at my passport.