Saturday, May 31, 2014

What Happens When Local Governments Delay Making a Decision

The things that come to local governments who wait before they make a decision - or who can't make a decision - are generally the things left over and given to them by the local governments who were able to make decisions and got theirs first.

Foolproof Ordinances

There has never been an ordinance passed by any local or municipal government that has been foolproof enough to fool the sufficiently talented fools living in their communities.

Local Public Officials in a Barbershop

A township officer and a county board member who were known to have a very contentious relationship somehow ended up at the same barber shop. As each sat in his chair being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. Even the barbers were afraid to start a conversation for fear it would turn into a issue of local political debate.

As the barbers finished their haircuts and shaves, the one barber who had the township officer in his chair reached for the aftershave.

The township officer immediately raised his hand, stopped him and said, “No thanks, my wife will smell that on me when I get home and think I’ve been in a whorehouse.”

The second barber turned to county board member and said, “How about you sir?” The county supervisor replied, “Sure go ahead; my wife has never been inside a whorehouse.  I bet she’d be interested to know what one smells like."

Thursday, May 22, 2014

County Fair Awards

John was a chicken farmer in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens) called "pullets" and ten roosters whose job it was to fertilize the eggs.

John kept detailed records and any rooster that didn't perform well went into the soup pot and was immediately replaced. Keeping an eye on each of the roosters took an awful lot of John’s time so he bought a set of tiny brass bells and attached them to his roosters’ necks. Each rooster was given a different bell tone so John could tell from a distance which roosters were out and about doing their job. Now John could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells.

John’s favorite rooster was Butch, a very fine specimen he was, too. But on one particular day, John noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung all morning so John went to investigate. All the other roosters were out chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover back in the coop.

But to Farmer John's amazement, Butch had his bell in his beak so it wouldn't ring. He'd then sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next pullet. John was so proud of old Butch; he decided to enter him in the county fair which was scheduled the following month.  At the fair Butch became a sensation with all the county fair judges.

The result ...The county fair judges were unanimous with their decision. They awarded old Butch the No Bell Piece Prize along with the Pullet Surprise Award as well.

Clearly old Butch was a political figure in the making. Who else but a local government official would devise a way to win two of the most highly coveted county fair awards by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention?

Vote carefully in your local government elections ... the bells may not always audible!


Friday, May 9, 2014

When I Was a Kid