Monday, October 25, 2010

Why Some Parents Make Their Children Go to School

The alarm clock had just gone off - it was 6:15AM and Mrs Smith climbed out of bed. Downstairs to the kitchen she went. Once her coffee began to brew she pulled out the pans and got out the bacon & the eggs. "Bobby" she yelled "its time to get up".

As she stood by the stove frying the bacon & eggs she again yelled: "Bobby dear, its time to get up".

Now as she placed the bacon, eggs and toast on the table, she noticed Bobby was still not downstairs. She walked to the bottom of the stairs and yelled one final time "Bobby get up now and come down here for breakfast or you'll be late for school"

Bobby yelled back - "I'm not going to school".

What do you mean you not going to school, she replied.

I'm not Bobby said

Why Bobby?

Cause the kids always make fun of me - the teachers laugh at me and the staff constantly teases me.

Bobby that's not true now get down here his mother yelled.

NO! I am not coming down Bobby said.

Bobby, I am not going to argue with you, get down here and get ready for School his mother said.

"Why do I have to go to school" Bobby asked.

Because you're the Principal!

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Heavens Pearly Gates

A School District Administrator suddenly appeared before  the Pearly Gates. In front of him was St Peter quietly reading from “The Great Book”. When St Peter finished reviewing the “The Great Book”, he asked the School Administrator “is there anything you have done in your life to merit admission into heaven?"
Thinking long and hard, the School Administrator replied "Well, one night as I left the high school I noticed a group of young men, four or five of them, I 'm sure, harassing a woman in a parking lot. I yelled at them to leave her alone”  but they didn’t stop.  So I ran over and approached the biggest kid in the group and shouted “Take your friends and get out of here now”. Neither he, or the others, moved so I grabbed him by his collar and punched him in the face. As he fell to the ground I yelled to the others, “Now back off and leave immediately”.

Wow” said St. Peter, “That was truly an act of a good Samaritan; however I did not see that action entered in The Great Book. When exactly did this event take place?" "About four minutes ago the School Administrator replied."

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Library Hours

It was nearing 11PM and the Mayor and his wife were just settling into bed when the phone rang. The Mayor’s wife answered the phone and a man asked “Is the Mayor Home” Yes! she replied and handed the phone to her husband who said Hello.

Say what time does the library open?" the man on the phone. What? What time does the library open?" "Nine A.M." came the Mayor’s reply. "Not until nine A.M.?" the man responded in a disappointed voice.

"Hey what's the idea of calling me at home in the middle of the night to ask a question like that?" "Not until nine A.M.?" the man stated again. "No, not till nine A.M.!" the Mayor said. Well I can’t wait until 9AM the man commented.

"Why do you need to get in the library before nine A.M.?" Get in! Who said I wanted to get in?" the man sighed sadly. "I want to get out." Your damn librarian locked me in when she closed your library

Sunday, October 10, 2010

The School Superintendent's Passport

The children of a retired School Superintendent presented their parents with an all expense paid vacation to Europe for their 50th wedding anniversary. When the Superintendent and his wife arrived at the airport in Paris they were greeted by a French customs official who shouted
“passports”. The wife immediately handed over her passport however his the fatigue from the flight prevented the retired superintendent from remembering where he had put his passport during the flight. After a few minutes he was able to find his passport.

It was obvious the customs official was perturbed. He sarcastically asked "You have been to France before, monsieur?" The Superintendent nodded, "Then you should know enough to have your passport ready when you arrive."

The Superintendent sighed and said
"The last time I was in France, I didn't have to show my passport." "Impossible … Americans must always show their passports upon arriving in France!" replied the customs official. The Superintendent quietly said, ''Sir, the last time I visited France was 1944, D-Day. I arrived on Omaha Beach to help liberate France. Unfortunately I could not find a single Frenchmen to show my passport to."

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Local Official Weight Loss

Many newly elected local officials are reported to experience significant weight loss during their first six months in public office. Doctors say this condition is temporary and attributed solely to the physical activities they often engage in upon initially entering their office.

Activities newly elected local government officials most often participate in are:

Tooting their horn
Jumping to conclusions
Running around in circles
Hopping on several band wagons
Making mountains out of mole hills
Constantly opening up cans of worms
Frequently putting their foot in their mouth
Adding unnecessary fuel to smoldering embers

Monday, October 4, 2010

The Village President's Vacation

For the past three years, since elected as a Village President, John went to a quiet little resort up north for his annual vacation. Everyone at the resort was friendly, especially the resort owner’s daughter. In fact, last year the two of them engaged in a marvelous affair during his vacation.

Looking forward to this year’s vacation the Village President drove happily drove to the resort and walked immediately up the stairs to his room. When he arrived on the second floor he stopped dead in his tracks when he saw his lover sitting on a chair in the hallway nursing an infant child!

"Helen, why didn't you write and tell me you were pregnant?" he asked. "I would have rushed straight up here so we could have gotten married, and the baby could have had my name!" "Well John," she said, "when I found out I was pregnant I immediately told my folks and we sat up all night talkin', We decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than to let our neighbors and long time resort guests know his father was a local public official."