Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Odor In The Jail

The newly elected County Board Chairperson wanted to personally welcome the newly elected Sheriff. While at the Sheriff’s office he asked the Sheriff if he could have a brief tour of the Jail so he could gain firsthand knowledge of some of the issues affecting the jail. No problem said the Sheriff and he escorted the Board Chair through all areas in the Jail.

As they entered the area known as general population - the area which houses the majority of inmates a vile odor was immediately noticeable. At the ended of the tour County Board Chair commented on the foul smell in general population and strongly suggested the Sheriff have the inmates change their underwear. The Sheriff said he to smelt that stench and he would take care of it ASAP.
As soon as the County Chair left his office the Sherriff called in the Jail Administrator. He informed him of the pungent odor he and the county Chair detected in general population and instructed him to have all inmates in general population change their underwear. I'll get right on that said the jail administer and down to general population he went.

Once in general population he assembled all the inmates and said I have a special announcement. Our new Sheriff and the new County Board Chair just inspected the jail and they said you guys smell bad. They want all of you to change your underwear today. He continued, "So Pittman, you change with Jones, McCarthy, you change with Katowski, and Rodriquez you change with Schultz."

Election results always seem to signal "Change", but you can’t always count on things to smell any better with new folks in office.

Monday, December 20, 2010

Saving on Travel Expenses

Per city policy a police chief, a fire chief and a city attorney traveled in one car to save on  expenses to attend a municipal managers’ conference held in the state capital. It was late at night as they travelled through a rural part of the state when their car broke down. With no motels in the immediate area they were forced to seek shelter for the night at the only farmhouse they saw.
The farmer welcomed them but informed them that he only had two spare beds. Regrettably he said, one of you will have to sleep on a cot in the barn. After a quick coin toss the fire chief left for his night in the barn.

Shortly after everyone retired for the night there was a knock at the door. When the farmer opened the door there stood the fire chief complaining he could not sleep surrounded by all those cows. They reminded him of Mrs. O'Leary's cow - the one that started the great Chicago fire. Every time he started to dose off he began to have a fireman's worst nightmare - that of burning to death. There was absolutely no way he could sleep in the barn.
The police chief said no problem I’ll go sleep in the barn. After everyone climbed back into their beds another knock was heard at the door. When the farmer opened the door there stood the police chief complaining there was no way he could sleep in the barn with all those pigs. He said, they reminded him of his rooky days on the force when everyone referred to police officers pigs.

The city attorney, desperate for sleep, said “that’s enough I’ll go sleep in the barn”. Once again everyone jumped back in their beds. Approximately five minutes went by when everyone was woken by a knock at the door. When the farmer opened the door, there stood the cows and pigs.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Trivia Local Government Officials and Commumity Leaders might find of value

1. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of where they were born

2. The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work is Alaska

3. The percentage of Africa considered wilderness is 28%. The percentage of wilderness in North America is considered

4. The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments in the USA.

5. The Kings in a deck of playing cards each represent great historical government leaders:

    Spades - King David
    Hearts - Charlemagne
    Clubs - Alexander the Great
    Diamonds - Julius Caesar

6. Milton Bradley prints more money each day for Monopoly than the U.S. Treasury prints for our economy

7. Men can generally read smaller print better than women

8. Women can generally hear better than men

10. It's impossible for a 80% of government employees to lick their elbows

11. At any given hour between 7AM and 7PM the average number of people airborne over the U.S. is 61,000

12. Only two people actually signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4, 1776: John Hancock and
Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed it on August 2nd; however, the last signature wasn't added until 1781 - 5 years later.

13. 74% of people reading this did not notice or catch that there was no #9 on this list

14. Bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers were all invented by women

15. Due to strict censorship laws in the US the first married couple to ever be shown in bed together on prime time Television was Fred and Wilma Flintstone.

16. Laws enacted in England during the 1400’s permitted husband’s to beat their wives’ with a wooden stick no thicker than their thumb. Hence today we often refer to 'the rule of thumb'

17. 96% of people reading this list did actually scroll back up to verify there was not a #9 on this list

18. In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were stuffed with staff and often secured to the bed frames by ropes. These ropes were pulled tight each night to secure the mattress and make the mattress firmer. Hence today we have a modern phrase that goes like this ...'Goodnight , sleep tight Don't let the bed bugs bite'

19. In ancient Babylon (2000BC) it was an accepted practice that for the entire month following his daughter’s nuptial, the bride's father would supply his new son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. {Mead was a form of honey beer}.  Because the calendar was lunar based this period was referred to as the honey month, which today we know as the honeymoon.

20. Before the day is over 67% of the readers of this list who work in government will try to lick their elbow to verify if they can do it. 100% of non government readers will try. 

Friday, December 10, 2010

Proposed Local Public Official Examination

We are all aware that there are no academic or skills-based testing requirements for individuals to run for, or serve in, local government offices. Over the years though many groups have proposed testing individuals before they run for local government office. Below is a proposed test someone recently shared with me that you might enjoy reviewing and consider taking yourself. It encompasses two primary areas: World History and Geography.

Again the intent of this test is that anyone thinking about running for a Local Government Office would have to get at least 4 correct answers on this test before being allowed to take out papers to run for local public office. Have some fun – test your knowledge. Good luck!

1) How long did the Hundred Years' War last?

2) Which country makes Panama hats?

3) From which animal do we get cat gut?

4) In which month does Russia celebrate the October Revolution?

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?

6) The Canary Islands are named for what animal?

7) What was King George VI's first name?

8) Where do Chinese gooseberries come from?

9) What color is a purple finch?

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?

Remember, 4 correct answers would be required before anyone could serve in a local public office. Check your answers below to see how you did.

1) How long did the Hundred Years War last? 116 years

2) Which country makes Panama hats? Ecuador
3) From which animal do we get cat gut? Sheep and Horses

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? November

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of? Squirrel fur

6) The Canary Islands are named after what animal? Dogs

7) What was King George VI's first name? Albert

8) Where do Chinese gooseberries come from? New Zealand

9) What color is a purple finch? Crimson

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane? Orange (of course)

Gabe's recommendation. If you failed to get four correct answers by all means pass this test along to some of your good humored Local Government colleagues to see how well they do.