Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Can You Hear It?

The mayor of a small rural community was asked to be one of the judges at the high school science fair. Proud to be asked, he gladly accepted the invitation.  As he walked through the maze of tables displaying all the student's science projects, he and his fellow judges were extremely impressed with the caliber of science projects the students came up with.

As the judges stopped to review the project of a student whose project focused on living in space one of the judges spoke:

"I wonder, if you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name would you be able to hear it?"  

Since none of the other judges made a comment, the mayor spoke up, "Well is the vacuum on or off?"           

Thursday, February 20, 2014

The Elementary School Field Trip

A group of third, fourth, and fifth graders went on a field trip to the new racetrack that was recently built in the community. The idea behind taking the children there was they could learn about thoroughbred horses and actually get to see some of the horses in their stalls. The children were accompanied by two female teachers.

After walking around the race track for a couple hours, it was time to take the children to the bathroom. Since there were only two teachers, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other. The teacher assigned to the boys waited outside the men's room. All of a sudden one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinals - they were too high.

Feeling awkward but having no choice, the teacher had to go inside to help each one of the boys. First she undid their pants, then she hoisted them up one by one. It was obvious she was going to have to hold their "you know what" to direct the flow away from their clothes. As she lifted the fourth boy, the teacher could not help but notice that this boy was unusually well endowed for his age. 

Trying not to show her embarrassment she said, "You must be one of the boys in the fifth grade." 
"No, ma'am", he replied, "I'm riding 'Silver Arrow' in the seventh race today and I really do appreciate your help."


Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Every Local Public Official Can Change

Monday, February 3, 2014

51 Days - Just 51 Days

Four village board officials walk into a local bar; they're laughing and appear to be in a jovial mood.  They sit down at a table and one asks, "Bartender can you bring us a round of beers please?"  It's obvious they're excited about something as they are all smiling and just having a gay old time. 

When the bartender brings their beer over, they stand up, raise their glasses, and propose a toast - "51 days! 51 days! Just 51 days!"  Soon they order a second round and this time they all jump up and do a happy dance around the table, exchanging high-fives while still chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days." 
The bartender is dying of  curiosity and asks, "What's all the excitement about boys?"  

One of them points to a beautifully framed child's picture puzzle of Ronald McDonald - completely put together - laying in the middle of the table.  "There ... can you see it?" they ask with excitement. 

The bartender stares at the small puzzle of Ronald McDonald laying in the center of the table. "Well do you see it?" asks one of the village officers.

"Well I must be slow today," says the bartender, "can you boys help me out; I don't get it?" 

"Well, many people in this village think our village board is run by a bunch of idiots so we decided to set the record straight. Last month, the four of us got together and bought this puzzle of Ronald McDonald over at Wal-Mart.  Together, we worked as a team a few hours each night and today we finished putting this puzzle together. The label on the side of the box said 2-4 years, but we were able to put it together in just 51 days!"