Monday, April 27, 2015

Media Coverage of Local Government Events

A Village Trustee and his wife took a short vacation to New York to visit their son and his family. While in New York they took the grandchildren to the Bronx zoo.

While at the zoo a little girl, not too far from them was leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly a lion grabbed the little girl by her jacket collar and tried to pull her inside the cage under the eyes of her screaming parents.

The vacationing village trustee immediately ran over to the scene and hit the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Startled from the pain the lion jumped back and let the little girl go. The trustee picked up the girl and carried her over to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly.

A news reporter who was at the zoo witnessed the entire event and said "Sir, that was the most gallant and brave thing I've seen a man do in my whole life." 
The trustee tried to down play it and said "It was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger and acted as I felt any decent human would."

The reporter says, "Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page... So, what do you do for a living"?

“Well, I am a local elected government official from Nebraska.” he said.

The journalist left and the following morning the headline on the front page of the Washington Post reads:


... and that my friends pretty much sums up the media's approach towards reporting on local government events these days.

Sunday, April 26, 2015

Local Government Official Martial Problem Resolved

A local township officer was devastated when he found out his wife was having an affair. To come to terms with this whole thing he decided to change his religion. 

He converted to Islam; tomorrow morning his wife will be stoned in front of the mosque.

Sunday, April 19, 2015

The Public School Field Trip - a must read for all local and municipal public officials ... especialy School Board Members

So with the weather turning nice an this inner city elementary school wanted to do some type of field trip for the 4th and 5th grade students. 

One parent suggested a trip to State Capital but that was not considered because it was too far and would be too expensive for the school board. Another parent suggested a trip to the Mall of America but that was thought to be too dangerous for the kids – they might get lost. Someone then suggested a trip to a real live working farm.  Everyone agreed that was a great idea as it would be a wonderful learning experience for every inner city kid.
The trip was planned and a few weeks later several buses arrived in front of the school around 9:00 a.m.  The kids loaded up and were taken to a real farm about 35 miles west of the city. The students had the opportunity to spend all day on the farm with the farmer, his wife, his family and all his ranch hands.

The students got to watch the feeding operations, the milking operation, the barn clean-up process and some of the kids even got to help herd the sheep and chickens from one area of the farm to another. The kids really loved their day at the farm.

The next day back at the school a member of the member of the school board showed up at the class. This member was opposed to the field trip concept and wanted to find out first had if the children enjoyed their trip and to determine if it was worth spending the additional taxpayers' dollars on the transportation costs involved to take the children on this field trip.

The school board member asked the class if the field trip was good. Unanimously the kids shouted, "Yeah it was great." 

"Well," asked the school board member, "what was the best part of the trip?" 

One kid said, "The smells – I have never smelt any kind of air like that before in the city." 

Another said, "I liked wide open spaces – I have never seen so much wide open land like that anywhere in the city."

Finally a third student said, "I loved all the different sounds we heard."  

"The sounds?" asked the school board member. 

"Yeah," yelled the kids, "there were all kinds of sounds out on the farm that we never hear in the city."

"Like, what kinds of sounds did you hear?" asked the school board member.

One little boy said, "Moo Moo - it was great hearing that sound all day." 

Another student yelled out, "Oink Oink - that was the best sound I ever heard. I never heard that sound before in my whole entire life." 

Still a third yelled out, "Baa Baa - I never knew sheep could talk." said a little girl.

In the back of the room sat quietly one little boy who was well known throughout the school and by all the school board members for always getting into trouble so the school board member asked, "And Billy, was there a sound that you liked hearing all day yesterday out on the farm?"

"Yes mam," he replied, "there sure was." 

"Well what was it?" 

He said, "It was “the farmer yelling at me all day 'Get down off that F^&@%$# tractor kid!'"

Sunday, April 5, 2015

The Newly Wed City Council Member

A younger member on the City Council decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend.

One evening about a week after their honeymoon, he was out in the garage after supper cleaning his golf clubs for his Saturday game. His wife came out and stood by the bench to watch him.
After a long period of silence she finally spoke, "Honey, I've been thinking.  Now that we are married I think it's time you quit playing so much golf. Maybe you should sell your clubs and cancel your membership at the golf club."
The city council member froze and got a horrified look on his face.
His wife said, "Darling, what's wrong?"
He replied, "There for a minute you were sounding like my ex-wife."

"Ex wife!" she screams, "I didn't know you were married before!" 

"I wasn't." he replied.