Saturday, August 23, 2014

The Row Boat

A county board member is driving along a country road with very few cars on it.   There were large fields on both sides of the road. As he looks out his passenger side window, he sees a township officer in the field in a rowboat rowing and rowing. 

The county board member stops his car, gets out, and yells to his colleague, "You know it's guys like you that give the rest of us local public officials a bad name!"

Receiving no reaction from his colleague in the rowboat, he screams, "If I could swim - I'd swim out there and punch you out!"

Township Officers New Dog

A wealthy township resident who was an avid hunter bought a bird dog which he was told was one of a kind. It was a unique breed that was specifically bred to walk on water. Everytime he saw his dog walk on water he couldn't believe it. He always saw it as a miracle.

Wanting to show off his new dog, he invited several neighbors over to his lakeside house. After some time, they shot a few ducks and the man ordered his dog to run and fetch the birds. The dog ran on water and kept fetching the birds all day long. The owner was expecting a comment or a compliment about his amazing dog, but never got one. As they were returning home, he asked his friend if he had noticed anything unusual about his dog.

The friend replied, "Yes, in fact, I did notice something unusual. Your dog can't swim."

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

The Western Wall - also known as the Wailing Wall - in the Old City of Jerusalem

A female journalist heard a story about an elderly Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall (also known as the Wailing Wall) in the old city of Jerusalem twice a day, every day, his entire life to pray.  She thought this might be an interesting heartwarming story to share with her readers so she convinced her news director to let her travel to Israel to check this story out. 

Upon her arrival in Tel Aviv she and her camera man took a cab straight to the Western Wall where the two of them waited. Soon they saw an old man walk slowly toward the holy site. They watched as he prayed for nearly 45 minutes.  Then using his cane, he slowly turned around and began to walk away.
Since he was moving slowly the female journalist approached him, introduced herself and asked for a brief interview to which he agreed. 

"What is your name Sir?"  

"Morris Feinberg," he replied. 

"Mr Feinberg, how long have you been coming here to the Western Wall to pray every day?"

"For about 60 years now."  

"Sixty years!" she exclaimed "That's amazing! What do you pray for when you come hear to the wall?"

"I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims."  I pray for all wars and hatred to stop. I pray for all our children so they can to grow up safe and become responsible adults and love their fellow man. I pray that our federal, state and local government officials will tell us the truth and put the interests of the people ahead of their own selfish interests."

"Well Sir, how do you feel after praying at the Wailing Wall for 60 years?"

"Like I'm talking to a f-ing wall."

Friday, August 8, 2014

The New Traffic Camera

A new city council member voted against the Police Chief’s request to install traffic cameras throughout the city.  One night as he was driving home he thought he saw the saw the flash of a camera mounted on a pole when he passed through an intersection.
He instinctively thought this must have been one of the new traffic cameras that the Police Chief had recently installed.  He reasoned his picture was taken because he was either exceeding the speed limit or he ran a traffic light; however, he knew he wasn't speeding and did not run the traffic.

Just to be sure, the city council member went turned around the block and once again passed the same spot; this time, driving even slower. Again the traffic camera flashed again.

The City Council member began to think that this was quite funny, so he drove around the block a third time and again the camera would flash.

Having so much fun, he tried driving around the intersection a fourth time with the same results. On his fifth time, he drove at a snail's pace and looked straight at the camera and laughed when it flashed. 

Approximately two weeks later, when the city council member arrived home he had five traffic tickets in the mail - all were for driving without a seat belt.

Saturday, August 2, 2014

Is It Possible for Local Government Officials to Really Give More Than a 100% Effort? The Answer Appears To Be Yes.

Ever wonder if it is really possible for a local public official to give more than

For those of us who have had the privilege to serve in local government, we can remember being approached by a community resident or local taxpayers {who never ran for public office - and who could never get elected to a local government office even if they tried} who demanded that every public employee and all local government officials give more than a 100% effort.

Can someone?  Anyone? Who is serving in a local government public office really give more than a 100% effort???

Let's look at this question logically - say from a mathematical perspective.  It seems a p
rofessor at MIT recently devised a numeric formula that might help us understand what giving a 100% effort actually means for a local public official.  

Now, it's somewhat complicated but try to follow this reasoning - personally I think it's true but then again I could be wrong.

Now if:

Are represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.


8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = Would equal 98%


11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = Would equal 96%

As we can see Hard Work and Knowledge will get most local government officials really close to a 100% effort. 

But this I found amazing -

1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = Gets us to 100%.  
A positive serving Attitude is the only thing that gets local government officials to a 100% effort.

So is it impossible for a local government official to give more than a 100% effort??

Look at this -

2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = Equals 103%.

and this blew me away -

1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = Will get a local government official all the way to 

So, based on this formula, most of us can safely conclude with mathematical certainty that Bullshit and Ass Kissing will make it appear to many people in a community that some of their public officials are giving them more than a 100% effort.