Thursday, June 19, 2014

Elderly City Council Member Joins New Club

The daughter of an elderly city council member asked her father why he didn't do something more useful with his time than just attend city council meetings.

It seemed talking about him doing something useful with his life was her favorite topic of conversation lately.   

She didn’t think spending so much time worrying about city issues and attending so many meetings was good for him so she suggested he go down to the new senior center and hang out with some of the other people his age. 

So to make her happy he did as she suggested; he spent an afternoon at the new senior center. When he got home, he decided to teach her a lesson about staying out of his business. 

So when she asked, “How did it go at the senior citizen center, Dad?” he told her he joined a parachute club. 

She immediately said, "Are you nuts, Dad? You’re almost 79 years old, and you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?"

So he proudly showed her the membership card he was given. 

She read the card and yelled, "Dad, were you wearing your glasses? This is a membership card to a prostitute club, not a parachute club!" 

"Damn," said the old city councilman.  "I'm really in trouble now and I don't know what to do."

“What kind of trouble are you in now, Dad?” his daughter asked. 

“I signed up for five jumps a week".

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Local Government and Change

Change is generally inevitable except when it comes to rewriting local government policies and ordinances.

Public Safety Advisory

I just received this information from a friend and wanted to get it out ASAP. The US Homeland Security Agency has just issued its latest advisory notice and we should all take heed. If your work involves serving the public or dealing with a lot of foreign customers, this information could save your life.

According to Homeland Security, the number one tactic terrorists and "disturbed US citizens" are now using is to conceal their weapons.

Concealing or disguising their weapons from the public is necessary especially when they enter government buildings, large transportation centers, metropolitan business centers and outdoor public gathering places.

Please look closely at the picture provided. 

At first glance - to an untrained eye – this might look like a normal “Red Solo party cup”; however if you study the picture carefully, you may be able to notice there is a fully loaded, automatic Glock 18-C pistol carefully hidden inside the cup.

Analyst and forecasters at Homeland Security believe terrorists and disturbed American citizens may soon be using this ‘Red Solo cup’ disguise to conceal their weapons.

During these troubling times it is important we all stay vigilant. Share this information with your colleagues, co-workers and neighbors. 

Remember, if you, your co-workers or neighbors, are not able to spot a weapon disguised like this, you might just be the recipient of a cup of hot lead.  

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Knowledge All Local Public Officials Need to Know.

Without exception the locally elected public official who laughs last is the one who thinks the slowest.

Thursday, June 5, 2014

Scientific Fact - Public Officials Need to Know

It is a scientific fact that light travels faster than sound – that’s why so many of your colleagues on a local government body appear exceptionally bright until they open their mouths and begin to speak.

Local Government Officials - Be Leary of Offering Assistance to Strangers

A township officer drove the short distance to town to drop his truck off at a local dealership to have something fixed. He had planned to wait for the repairs but was informed they would have to order the part. Since he didn't live far, he decided he would just walk home.   

On the way home he stopped at a local hardware store and bought a metal bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped at the local feed store and picked up a chicken and a goose which he promised his visiting grandchildren they could play with during the summer. However, he soon began to struggle with his diverse load outside the store. It was going to be almost impossible carrying his entire purchase home.

While standing there scratching his head trying to figure out what to do, he was approached by an elderly lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to1603 Maple Street?"

The township officer answered, "As a matter of fact, my house is on Maple Street and I would gladly walk you there but I just can't seem to carry all this stuff I bought."

The lady looked at what he had and suggested, "Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket. Then place the chicken under one arm and the goose under your other arm and carry the bucket by the handle with one of your free hands?''

"Why thank you very much," he said. He did exactly what she suggested and was able to walk with the lady. On the way he said to her, "Let's take a short cut - we can go down this alley and save two blocks of walking. We'll be there in no time."

The lady looked him over cautiously then said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?"

He explained to her that he was a respected township officer who has lived in the community all his life and, “Besides lady, I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, and have a chicken and a goose under my arms. How in the world would I be able hold you up against the wall and do all that to you?"

The lady replied, "Well if you set the goose down, cover it with the bucket, put the gallon of paint on top of the bucket to weight it down and let me hold the chicken, I am sure that if you really area a township officer, you could easily do all that to me."