Monday, April 30, 2012

The Celibate Village Board Member

Celibacy for many can be a choice one makes or it can be a  condition imposed on someone by the circumstances that surround our lives.

For example, there was a local village board member who attended a weekend marriage retreat with his wife.  As they listened intently, the guest pastor declared, “It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other in order to have a good marriage.”

The Pastor then looked at the village board member and asked, “Can you name your wife's favorite flower?”  
Without hesitation, the village board member beamed a big smile,  touched her arm, and gently said, “Gold Medal All-Purpose, isn't it?”

And so began the village board member's life of celibacy.

Monday, April 16, 2012

The Courthouse Flag Pole

Two township officers are standing on the lawn of the county courthouse near the base of the newly erected flag pole. Both are looking up as a school board member walks past them on her way to a meeting in the courthouse.   The school board member notices her two local government colleagues and asks, "What are you guys up to?"
One replies, "We are just wondering how tall this new courthouse flag pole is."

"Perhaps I can help," she replies and she walks back to her car, opens her truck, and returns with a small canvas bag. From the bag she takes out a wrench and asks the two township officers to steady the pole.   With the wrench, she loosens two bolts running through the base of the pole.

As the bolts are loosened, she directs the two township officers to let the pole tilt over slowly.   Once the pole is on its side in a horizontal position, the school board member takes out a tape measure from her tool bag.   She has one township officer hold one end of the tape measure at the base of the pole and she walks to the other end.   As she begins to reel in the tape measure, she announces, "The new pole is twenty nine feet, six inches."
She then asks the two township officers to return the pole to its upright position and she resets the two bolts and fastens them tight.   With the pole stabilized, she bids her colleagues farewell, returns her tool bag to the trunk of her car, and enters the courthouse.

Once she has gone inside the courthouse, one township officer looks at the other and says, "Now that explains why our schools are in so much trouble.  Here we are talking about the height of this new courthouse pole and she gets involved and gives us the length!"

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Reader Feedback Request

We'd like to know if you enjoy our local government humor.

Feel free to share your thoughts in the comment area of any post.


Monday, April 2, 2012

Excuse Me We Can't Hear

After a long and contentious meeting, two village trustees decided to stop in at a local nightspot not far away from the village hall before going home.  Because it was late and a weeknight, only the bartender and two other patrons were in the bar watching a ball game.

As the two village trustees began to relive the events that occurred at the their convoluted board public meeting, their voices began to escalate and their volume rose dramatically.  Finally, one of the other patrons watching the ball game turned toward the two trustees and loudly said, "Excuse me, but we can't hear.
"That's good," said one trustee.  "This is a private conversation."