Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Can I Have a Calf?

A farmer out in his field noticed a cloud of dust coming down the road.  It was created by a brand-new pickup racing down the gravel road.   The truck finally stopped along the fence line and the driver, wearing a nice polo shirt and a pair of fancy sunglasses, leaned out the window and asked, "Do you own this farm Mister?" 
Sure do replied the farmer.  "Well, if I tell you exactly how many cows you have in your herd, can I have a calf?"

The farmer stunned by such a question thought for a moment then answered, "Sure!" The driver immediately opened his laptop computer and tethered it to his 4G cellular phone.  He surfed the web, found NASA’s home page, then clicked on the NASA's GPS satellite tracking section.  He looked at the Garmin GPS device mounted on the center of his dash  then fed his exact coordinates into the NASA's satellite tracking system.  NASA's satellite immediately scanned the area with its high-resolution photo lens camera.

When the scan was complete, the driver clicked open his Adobe Photoshop application and exported the digital images NASA sent to a real-time data processing facility in Germany. Within seconds, he received a text on his I-phone informing him his images had been processed and his data request was available. 

The driver took out his Blackberry and accessed an MS-SQL server through an ODBC connection which allowed him to retrieve high definition full-color photos and print them on his portable HP Laser Jet full color printer. 

In the lower right-hand corner of the pictures was a summary of the total number of animals that were in each scan.  The driver looked over at the farmer and said, "Sir, you have exactly 1,586 cows."
"Why that's right." replied the farmer.  "I guess I owe you a calf.  Go ahead out there and help yourself."  The farmer watched as the young man selected his animal and then smiled with amusement as the young man struggled to lift the animal into the bed of his pickup.

As the driver was about to open the door to the cab and hop in, the farmer spoke, "Son, if I can tell you exactly what line of work you are in, will you give me back my calf?"
The driver thought for a moment then said “Sure”.

"Well, you work for the County either in the Zoning Department or Assessor's Office." 
"Wow!  That's amazing!  You are right," said the man.  "How did you know?" 

"Wasn’t hard.  "You showed up on my property unannounced and began asking questions.  You then wanted to give me an answer to a question I never asked and then you wanted a reward for telling me something I already knew.  You were obviously using thousands of dollars worth of equipment that only the taxpayers could afford and you know absolutely nothing about cows.  I raise sheep on my ranch, not cows ... now give me back my dog."