tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-63636731754415602952023-11-16T02:46:48.773-08:00Local Government HumorThis blog is dedicated to local government officials - whether 'elected or appointed' who have a sense of humor. The humor on this blog was gleaned from years of working with Townships, Villages, School Boards, Cities, Counties as well as those damn special taxing districts and authorities. Hopefully you will find some great gems that will make you smile and maybe you will learn some powerful management lessons. Best Wishes, Gabe Gabrielsen - A Local Government ManUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger171125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6363673175441560295.post-15446860341993310062017-06-08T06:39:00.000-07:002017-06-08T06:39:56.394-07:00The Best Scene from the first Godfather Movie<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcyD3lwiRnGrccZsKICRsJzzPR411OgT5370EWVp0FMG7SQoN5qWHNEZLgyJkugtidimziAawVHlHrF4W8h-egTaH-Bkao1A3EZJwx_2VjPWQHzYz_Nk6aMvKc7_zueDpuWf0ZGlnUD9Q/s1600/local+govt+scilian+message.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="336" data-original-width="600" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcyD3lwiRnGrccZsKICRsJzzPR411OgT5370EWVp0FMG7SQoN5qWHNEZLgyJkugtidimziAawVHlHrF4W8h-egTaH-Bkao1A3EZJwx_2VjPWQHzYz_Nk6aMvKc7_zueDpuWf0ZGlnUD9Q/s320/local+govt+scilian+message.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6363673175441560295.post-68382262302753118352017-04-22T07:55:00.000-07:002017-04-29T12:22:58.384-07:00Two Township Officers and the Bacon Tree<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Two township officials were driving on a seldom used back road through an isolated stretch of the state to save time on their way to a State Township Officers Convention in the State Capital. As luck would have it their car breaks down.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Now the two township officers are only vaguely familiar with the area however they both believe a gas station is just a few miles up the road so they get out of their vehicle and begin to walk in that direction. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">After walking about thirty minutes one of the township officers says to the other: "Hey do you smell that?” “Smell what the other replies”. “Bacon! Do you smell bacon” The other township official inhales deeply and says “Yeah it sure does smell like bacon!” </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Confused they keep on walking and there in the distance they see a small tree with lots of branches and every branch is covered with hot sizzling bacon. Some of the bacon strips are cherry wood smoked, some are hickory smoked and some are double smoked. Every imaginable kind of cured pork bacon one can think of is on that tree.<br /><br />"Look” the one Township Official says – “it really is a bacon tree”. “No way” says the other – “it must be a mirage.” “How do you know its a mirage?" the other asks. "Well have you ever heard of a mirage that smells like bacon?” With that, the other township official bolts off and starts running towards the tree.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">As he gets within 5 yards of the tree a couple of guys with guns suddenly appear from behind the rocks and start shooting at him. The township official is hit repeatedly with bullets and drops to the ground. Mortally wounded, bleeding profusely and in great pain he yells out to his colleague "go back – go back, it’s not a bacon tree!"<br /><br />Confused and scared the other township officer laying on the ground to protect himself yells back to the other township official - "Well if it’s not a bacon tree what is it?" Using his last few breaths the wounded township official yells out <br /><br />Its <br /><br />Its <br /><br />Its <br /><br />Its<br /><br />Its <br /><br />Its <br /><br />Its <br /><br />Its <br /><br />Its <br /><br />Its <br /><br />Its <br /><br /> {Get Ready!}<br /><br />It’s ... a Ham bush."</span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6363673175441560295.post-88307403950424794522017-04-10T08:59:00.000-07:002017-04-10T08:59:00.165-07:00Rare Photograph of President Abraham Lincoln<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0yfQ2PUg1TccokpWuwqmciC7I51zdfRXwckWWeVm0aDE1RX2WvK11W9KBkKMfKUdhyphenhyphen-O43nzlsXJCjZeGT9a-s0BmUQwIUoK9oSjyHA_2QR-MTE6612cDf5xNDehh_hwEq6KkMlWKz58/s1600/lincoln+Getty%2527s+Bird+Address.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="291" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0yfQ2PUg1TccokpWuwqmciC7I51zdfRXwckWWeVm0aDE1RX2WvK11W9KBkKMfKUdhyphenhyphen-O43nzlsXJCjZeGT9a-s0BmUQwIUoK9oSjyHA_2QR-MTE6612cDf5xNDehh_hwEq6KkMlWKz58/s320/lincoln+Getty%2527s+Bird+Address.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6363673175441560295.post-8038279677897949502017-04-05T09:17:00.000-07:002017-04-05T09:17:08.360-07:00An Old Dear Abby Column Local Public Officials May Find of Interest<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Dear Abby,<br /><br />Last year I was diagnosed with cancer. While attending my chemo therapy sessions I met a truly wonderful woman, a public health nurse who works at the medical clinic. </span><div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Since the doctors now say my cancer is in total remission I would like to ask this woman to marry me woman; however she comes from a very stable home and has a prestigious job; unfortunately, I do not. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">My parents divorced when I was four and we were raised first in foster homes then with various relatives throughout the state. No one in the family has seen or spoken to our parents in years.<br /><br />I have two brothers and two sisters. My older brother works for the County Highway Department and my young brother is serving a seven year stretch in a federal prison for internet fraud. My youngest sister, I am sad to say, is a prostitute and my older sister and her boyfriend are crack head junkies who make meth and sell it to earn money.<br /><br />All things considered, I truly love this woman and believe we are soul mates. I want to be totally open and honest with her regarding my family so my question is should I tell her my oldest brother works for the County Highway Department?<br /><br />Signed <br /> Worried My Brother’s Job May Ruin My Marriage<br /><br /> </span><br /> </div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6363673175441560295.post-24979876550110730952017-03-29T09:14:00.000-07:002017-03-29T09:14:09.333-07:00Why a Teacher's Lesson Plan Doesn't Always Work<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><u><b>A powerful lesson for teachers and educators. Share with any public school teacher you know </b></u></i></span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"> A minister wanted to add a powerful visual demonstration that would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon which was to focus </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">on the evils and temptations we all face in life.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"> So at the beginning of his service he placed four worms into four separate mason jars. </span><div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHuidV5QQGxckceddA-TrElJbsDrtou9191b0AVIJYBhyphenhyphenbHRAaDOO44WW73KN7rIWuEQK5r9JjiG01Ddf5O81E_u15G0ar21NaxQQhmwcmgB0zT8uHQtkCPWXmJUkTH1BSGx9WzQ6HTg4/s1600/four+worms.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHuidV5QQGxckceddA-TrElJbsDrtou9191b0AVIJYBhyphenhyphenbHRAaDOO44WW73KN7rIWuEQK5r9JjiG01Ddf5O81E_u15G0ar21NaxQQhmwcmgB0zT8uHQtkCPWXmJUkTH1BSGx9WzQ6HTg4/s1600/four+worms.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">The first worm was placed into a jar containing whiskey. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">The second worm was placed in a jar containing cigarette smoke. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">The third worm was into in a jar that contained pure chocolate syrup. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">And the fourth worm was put into a jar of good clean soil. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">He then proceeded with his service and gave actually did give a rousing sermon. At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister walked over to the four jars and picked them up one at a time and then gave the following report:</span><br /> <br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">The first worm in alcohol . . . . . . Dead!</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">The second worm in cigarette smoke . . Dead!</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">The third worm in chocolate syrup . . . Dead!.</span><br /> <br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">The fourth worm in good clean soil . . Alive and doing well! </span><br /> <br /><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">The Minister then looked out over his congregation and asked;</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">"So, my friends? What did we learn today from this demonstration?"</span><br /> <br /><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Maxine, a devoted member of the church, who was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said . . .</span><br /> <br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">"Reverend as long as we drink, smoke and eat chocolate, we won't have any worms!"</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">That pretty much ended the service right there!</span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6363673175441560295.post-72514665634562660202017-03-19T10:03:00.000-07:002017-03-19T10:03:04.401-07:00Elected Official's Marital Problems Averted<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">A married County Board member began having an affair with one of the secretaries in the courthouse. One day their passions overcame them and they left the courthouse in the afternoon to spend time together at her apartment.<br /><br />Exhausted from their afternoon’s activities they both fell asleep on her bed and awoke around 8PM. As the County Board member began putting his clothes on he asked his lady friend to take his shoes outside and thoroughly rub them through the grass in the backyard several times.<br /><br />Though somewhat confused by his request, she did as told and rubbed his shoes over and over again in the tall grass in the backyard. When she returned he put his shoes on, kissed her, said good-bye and jumped in his car and drove home.<br /><br />When the County Board member arrived home his wife was furious. She said she had called the courthouse several times during the afternoon and early evening hours and no one had seen him or knew where he was. She demanded to know where he had been.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br />Darling he said – I can’t lie. I met a woman and we have been having an affair. This afternoon we went to her house and spent the afternoon there. I fell asleep in her bed and did not wake up until after 8PM. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">The wife glanced down at his shoes and said – Liar!. You have been out playing golf again haven’t you?</span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6363673175441560295.post-24249722666482445432017-03-19T09:52:00.000-07:002017-05-28T06:33:38.992-07:00County Jail Escape <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Did you hear about the midget fortune-teller who escaped from the County Jail? She is officially classified by the Sheriffs Department a small medium at large.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6363673175441560295.post-44902002178141273752017-03-14T09:18:00.000-07:002017-03-14T10:00:04.244-07:00Potential Public Safety Advisory <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6363673175441560295.post-13691288941893691692017-03-09T06:41:00.000-08:002017-03-09T06:43:22.065-08:00Good Humor for rural and non-urban Government Officials<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">A young preacher recently came upon a farmer working in his field.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Being concerned about the farmer's soul the preacher asked the man, "Are you laboring in the vineyard of the Lord my good man?"<br /><br />Not even looking at the preacher and continuing his work the farmer replied, "Naw, these are soybeans."<br /><br />"You don't understand," said the preacher. "Are you lost?"<br /><br />"Naw! I've lived here all my life," answered the farmer.<br /><br />"Are you prepared for the resurrection?" the frustrated preacher asked.<br /><br />This caught the farmer's attention and he asked, "When's it gonna be?"<br /><br />Thinking he had accomplished something the young preacher replied, "It could be today, tomorrow, or the next day."<br /><br />Taking a handkerchief from his back pocket and wiping his brow, the farmer remarked, "Well, don't mention it to my wife.<br /><br />She don't get out much and she'll wanna go all three days.</span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6363673175441560295.post-63752135439692532222017-03-08T06:49:00.000-08:002017-03-08T06:49:24.078-08:00Local DMV driver testing<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">A newly arrived immigrant from Warsaw, Poland went to the local DMV office to apply for a driver's license. First, he was administered a written exam which he passed with a score of 100% correct. <br /><br />Next he was directed to take the regulation eye sight test. The DMV agent had him stand with his toes touching a white line on the carpet then he directed the man to read out loud all the letters on the third line of a chart hanging on the wall. <br /><br />The driver license applicant squinted then read out loud:</span><br />
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<em>'Did you have any problem reading that</em>? asked the DMV agent'? "<em>Not at all, I know the guy - we went to school together</em>.'<br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6363673175441560295.post-3842972278375672182017-02-19T10:04:00.001-08:002017-02-19T10:04:09.566-08:00The Mayor's Annual Prostate Exam<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As the Mayor was about to get dressed there was a soft rap on the door and a nurse came in. As the nurse shut the door, she uttered three words the Mayor did not want to hear:</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">"<i><b>Who was that man who was just in here with you?</b></i>"</span></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6363673175441560295.post-7795302737524918232016-12-05T15:16:00.002-08:002016-12-05T15:18:27.018-08:00The Old Man Who Was Speeding On a County Hwy<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">A County Deputy pulled over an elderly gentleman for speeding. The old guy was doing almost 20 miles over the legal speed limit. The Deputy asked to see the elderly driver</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">'s license then went back to his squad car to run a check on the license. Incredibly this old man who had been driving for nearly 47 years never once been given a traffic citation.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /><i>Upon returning to the old man’s vehicle the Deputy said "I don’t want to spoil your driving record Sir so if you can give me any possible excuse why it was necessary for you to be driving 20 miles over the speed limit I will let you go with a warning</i>".<br /><br />Without batting an eye the old man looked at the Deputy and said "<i>25 years ago my wife ran off with a Deputy from this County and when I saw you driving behind me I thought you were him trying to bring her back</i>". <br /><br />After laughing hysterically the officer replied. “<i>Slow down old timer and have a nice day</i>”. </span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6363673175441560295.post-27063873756647483242016-09-26T08:54:00.000-07:002016-09-26T08:54:30.178-07:00Hot Things Hot - Cold Things Cold<span style="font-size: large;">A township officer from an extremely rural area drove 75 miles to the 'big city' to do some shopping at a brand new Wal-Mart that had just opened the week before. The Wal-Mart was the largest store the township officer had ever seen.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizKLAWckiy51fBN9BECG2LKJArh4rxO64_FGsOOntw_jnkL3W1rK3HLDAoi3Js-qJ03MQpMtroMCm-SEqQM8J3zgXPC3L7Cla2eQ71lPorMt9HnAAsiT5akNVs5V_OsMKrsfAdx162z8M/s1600/Thermous.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizKLAWckiy51fBN9BECG2LKJArh4rxO64_FGsOOntw_jnkL3W1rK3HLDAoi3Js-qJ03MQpMtroMCm-SEqQM8J3zgXPC3L7Cla2eQ71lPorMt9HnAAsiT5akNVs5V_OsMKrsfAdx162z8M/s1600/Thermous.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Why walking up and down the many aisles he noticed a long cylindrical shiny object behind one counters where a clerk was working. He walked over to the employee behind the counter and asked "Miss <i>What's that shiny object behind you on that ledge.</i>" Oh this, she replied, "<i>That's my thermos</i>." <br /><br /><i>"A thermos"</i>? replied the township officer "<i>What does it do</i>?" The employee replied, "<i>It keeps my hot things hot and my cold things cold." </i><br /><br />Boy o boy, the township officer thought; that was just about the most incredible thing he had ever heard of. What a wonderful device. The employee said we sell them here at the store they are down in aisle 5. The township officer immediately went down to aisle 5 picked it up and bought it.<br /><br />The following week the township officer brought his new thermos with him to the township meeting. When the other township officers saw that shiny object they asked him "<i>What is that thing</i>?" <br /><br />"<i>Why that's a thermos</i>" said the proud township officer. "<i>What does a thermos do</i>" asked one of the township officers? "<i>Well it keep my hot foods hot and cold foods cold</i>". <br /><br />"<i>Really they all said - what do you have in it now</i>" they all wanted to know. "<i>Well, right now I have a Popsicle and my coffee in it.</i>" </span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6363673175441560295.post-10161885233042623272016-09-02T07:29:00.000-07:002016-09-02T07:29:03.220-07:00Great Answer to a TV Reporters Questions - This is a great lesson for all government officials. <span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/General_%28Australia%29" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">General</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> 'Sir Peter John Cosgrove', </span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Knight_of_the_Order_of_Australia" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">AK</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">, </span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Military_Cross" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">MC</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> (born 28 July 1947) is a retired senior </span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Australian_Army" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Australian Army</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> officer and currently the 26th the Governor-General of Australia</span></span><div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi51MFZChfCDAPNYHWayuHqOi0OUkg7riF37nlYznTGLIMxMRyYWT8wox0l-HvbqRuxua_13Tgb2IxkSJ1ar9rPAAXzucsW536yhymFVSZ4aUUmLstasJW4Qj4Fvtamfm6VxPnIZAZBX6k/s1600/Sep+2+Sir+Cosgrove+Austraila.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi51MFZChfCDAPNYHWayuHqOi0OUkg7riF37nlYznTGLIMxMRyYWT8wox0l-HvbqRuxua_13Tgb2IxkSJ1ar9rPAAXzucsW536yhymFVSZ4aUUmLstasJW4Qj4Fvtamfm6VxPnIZAZBX6k/s1600/Sep+2+Sir+Cosgrove+Austraila.png" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">He was made a Knight of the </span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Order_of_Australia" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">Order of Australia</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">. </span><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">General Cosgrove was recently interviewed on TV by Leigh Sales a reporter from the ABC.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">If you are a local government official do yourself a favor and take a moment and read his reply to the reporter question when she asked him about guns and children. My thought is this is probably one of the best replies given to a reporter.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Below is the portion of the interview between ABC journalist Leigh Sales and General Cosgrove - who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military Headquarters<span style="font-size: large;">.</span></i> </span><br /> <br /><b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">LEIGH SALES</b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"> (The reporter):</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">So, General Cosgrove, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?</span><br /><br /><b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">GEN. COSGROVE</b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">:</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery and shooting.</span><br /><br /><b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">LEIGH SALES</b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">:</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?</span><br /><br /><b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">GEN. COSGROVE</b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">:</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.</span><br /><br /><b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">LEIGH SALES</b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">:</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?</span><br /><br /><b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">GEN. COSGROVE</b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">:</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.</span><br /><br /><b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">LEIGH SALES</b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">:</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">But aren't you equipping them to become violent killers.</span><br /><br /><b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">GENERAL COSGROVE</b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">:</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?</span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6363673175441560295.post-45216871088903772602016-06-09T19:54:00.001-07:002016-08-20T08:05:15.673-07:00Neighbor Used The City Council Members Wife and Now Has Remorse.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">A guy sends a text to his next-door neighbor who just happens to be a city council member. The text he sends reads:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">"Bob, I'm sorry. For the last six months I have been riddled with guilt and I want to confess to you. There is no easy way to say this but the truth is I have been helping myself to your wife when you were not at home.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">When you would leave for city county meetings or go out to conduct city business and I saw you weren’t home I took those opportunities to hop on and use your wife. Bob, I know there’s no excuse for my behavior but I stopped getting it at home and I wanted it bad. I can't live with this guilt any longer and hope you'll accept my sincerest apology. I promise it won't happen again."<br /><br />Feeling outrage and betrayed, Bob went to the closet and grabbed his gun. He walked straight into the bedroom where his wife was reading a book and without a word shot her two times. <br /><br />Moments later Bob, the city council member, received another text from his neighbor which read: Really should have used spell check Bob! That last text I sent should have read “I have been using your ‘wifi’ - not your wife”.</span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6363673175441560295.post-30200914940925990692016-02-28T10:43:00.000-08:002016-08-20T08:01:52.531-07:00The City Council Member's Son and a Popsicle<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">The City Council meeting ended earlier than expected so when the City Council member got home, he asked his wife if she would like to have sex.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">"There's a car being towed from the parking lot across the street," the boy shouted.<br /><br />"Hey, an ambulance just drove by with its lights on!"<br /><br />"Looks like the Anderson's have lots of company," he called out.<br /><br />"Matt's riding a new bike!"<br /><br />"Looks like the Sanders are moving; they are loading a big rental truck!"<br /><br />"Jason is on his skate board and he is not wearing his helmet!"<br /><br />After a few moments he announced...<br /><br />"The Coopers are having sex!"<br /><br />Startled, the City Council member and his wife shot up in bed.<br /><br />The City Council member cautiously called out..."How do you know they're having sex?"<br /><br />"They just sent Jimmy out on the balcony with a popsicle.”</span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6363673175441560295.post-74395986418571578132015-11-11T10:04:00.000-08:002015-11-11T10:04:24.960-08:00New Concept In Traffic Sign Design<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">In an attempt to get young children to read stop at intersections this new traffic sign design has been created. Hopefully children will read it and pay more attention to traffic condition. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIW7x2gXt57HV-GvZBAhsuJdSQ1QSCqy9xnikaVgqp12MCfedWACZFNYNTZx4Fvh3Vs_cqRNQSm5yONNwmbFYym6euiTF19ky4CZXNut2bR15fir4UU7ZaXudfUK3BwnLKeunm0ahFKMo/s1600/Labor+Law+Violation.jpg"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIW7x2gXt57HV-GvZBAhsuJdSQ1QSCqy9xnikaVgqp12MCfedWACZFNYNTZx4Fvh3Vs_cqRNQSm5yONNwmbFYym6euiTF19ky4CZXNut2bR15fir4UU7ZaXudfUK3BwnLKeunm0ahFKMo/s200/Labor+Law+Violation.jpg" /></a><br /><br />The investigator drove up in his big flashy state vehicle and walked up to rancher flashed his badge and said "I am with the State Department of Labor and I need a complete list of your employees and how much you pay them," .</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">"Well," replied the rancher, "there's my barn manager over there. He's been with me for 5 years now. I pay him $600 a week plus free room and board."<br /><br />"And over there is my breeding supervisor and feeder. He’s been with me 3 years and I pay him $450 a week plus free room and board. Finally there is cook - she’s over there. She has been with us almost 11 months and I pay her $325 a week plus free room and board."<br /><br />"Oh and then there's the half-wit we have here at the ranch. He’s been here since we started the ranch; he’s a hard worker and a jack of all trades. He can do just about anything on the ranch and he works about 18 hours every day - including Saturdays and Sundays. He seldom takes a day off and I am pretty sure he does about 90% of all the work around here on the ranch. He makes just a little over $70 per week however he pays for his own room and board."<br /><br />"But, I have to admit I buy a bottle of Jim Beam every Saturday night, and once in a while I let him sleep with my wife."<br /><br />"That's the guy I want to talk to ... the half-wit. Where is he" asked the investigator?<br /><br />"You're talking to him," replied the rabbit rancher.</span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6363673175441560295.post-47279148670080211092015-10-21T08:32:00.000-07:002015-10-27T12:14:43.559-07:00The Unique Relationship Between Brass Monkeys and Cold Weather<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">With winter rapidly approaching across many parts of the U.S., it might be wise for you to know the historical connection between "cold weather" and "brass monkeys". I was stunned when I first heard this. Since organizational leaders and local government public officials are often expected to know everything and have all the answers, hopefully this story will provide you with some information you can use in the future. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br />In the heyday of sailing ships, all war ships and many freighters carried iron cannons on board. Those cannons fired heavy iron cannonballs. It was necessary for each ship to keep a good supply of cannonballs near each cannon should they be attacked by a hostile vessel.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">The problem each ship faced was how to prevent the round cannonballs from rolling around the deck. The solution was to stack the cannonballs in a square-based pyramid with one ball on top which would rest on four which would rest on nine, which would rest on sixteen. Thus, a supply of 29 cannonballs could be stacked in a small area right next to the cannon.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCII19Z5KbWQQiBYRTFeX83fte_hQZsUwg38K7eIR3O9UQDC_RZzGHQ0tsabWfZQPeNvg0FnIVUMYmqYe5uMQkDDoKyGbUKJonB-zFVNLHeAWNKz_pQCSNQvgHmxkt3hyAQXneBrV6kwI/s1600/Cannon+Balls.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCII19Z5KbWQQiBYRTFeX83fte_hQZsUwg38K7eIR3O9UQDC_RZzGHQ0tsabWfZQPeNvg0FnIVUMYmqYe5uMQkDDoKyGbUKJonB-zFVNLHeAWNKz_pQCSNQvgHmxkt3hyAQXneBrV6kwI/s1600/Cannon+Balls.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">There was only one problem with this method - how do you prevent the bottom layer from sliding or rolling about from under the others? The solution was the invention of a metal plate called a "Monkey" with 16 round indentations. However, if this plate were made of iron, the iron balls resting in the indentations would quickly rust with the salt water spray. So to prevent the rusting problem, "Brass Monkeys" were developed.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQjCpMit0efavQgdF2B7vebWt6Z4wEStkytMhHRKJFWH0cWyaE7zUG6Q3NTRFzKdCGJcO1QGqRpjRQdYJPjfgcNuDtyaU_MKVR7bXAZTPP7HM4bD4hnTDkzcV5ewH03AYA3sfHzPwkvbQ/s1600/brass+monkey+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQjCpMit0efavQgdF2B7vebWt6Z4wEStkytMhHRKJFWH0cWyaE7zUG6Q3NTRFzKdCGJcO1QGqRpjRQdYJPjfgcNuDtyaU_MKVR7bXAZTPP7HM4bD4hnTDkzcV5ewH03AYA3sfHzPwkvbQ/s320/brass+monkey+2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Brass is not a perfect metal and few people are aware that brass contracts more and much faster than iron when chilled. Consequently, when the wind temperatures on the ship dropped too far, the indentations in the brass monkeys would shrink so much that the iron cannonballs on the bottom tier would roll right off the monkey.<br /><br />Therefore whenever the outside temperature fell to around 32 degrees, it was quite literally "cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Now I am thinking - like most people you probably thought this was an improper expression to use in public.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBiCKNhnswGSy96izUedYEAQwV_IHanLRvT1C028x5SYN-vXbnP1mHqnfn9s1FeQurR-ZinyofDAVJlFOcVvzQadPwZWGjW3kOwREZii5925RFzV-1p9fAZGl1L90mo8ju3UB1wJ1K0Vk/s1600/brass+monkey.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBiCKNhnswGSy96izUedYEAQwV_IHanLRvT1C028x5SYN-vXbnP1mHqnfn9s1FeQurR-ZinyofDAVJlFOcVvzQadPwZWGjW3kOwREZii5925RFzV-1p9fAZGl1L90mo8ju3UB1wJ1K0Vk/s320/brass+monkey.jpg" width="192" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Hope you enjoyed this brief history lesson. Remember learning can <u>and should be fun</u> . That's the reason so many professional associations, business organizations and units of local government invite Gabe Gabrielsen to solve their problems and provide their employees and staffs with great educational programs. </span><br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6363673175441560295.post-39272559644889885712015-09-02T17:24:00.000-07:002015-09-04T17:40:03.256-07:00"Complete" or "Finished" how should they be used?Here's is an English lesson for every local public official.<br />
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This does not require you to put on your thinking caps.<br />
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So get ready for a great English lesson --- regarding "Complete" or "Finished"?<br />
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Here goes. No dictionary has ever been able to satisfactorily define the difference between "complete" and "finished". However, during a recent linguistic conference held in London, England, and attended by some of the best linguists in the world, Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese linguist, was the presenter when he was asked to make that very distinction.<br />
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The question put to him by a colleague in the erudite audience was this, "Some say there is no difference between 'complete' and 'finished'. Please explain the difference in a way that is "easy to understand."<br />
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Mr. Balgobin's response, "When you marry the right woman, you are 'complete'. If you marry the wrong woman, you are 'finished'. And, if the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are 'completely finished'."<br />
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His answer received a five-minute standing ovation.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6363673175441560295.post-61269711517223308982015-08-04T06:20:00.000-07:002015-08-04T06:20:22.265-07:00Let's talk Heaven and Hell - Good insight for Local Public Officials<span style="font-size: large;">The following is an actual exam question given on a University of Arizona chemistry mid-term, and an actual answer turned in by a student. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYLcFT7L5I8VBmpPfs1dBi0OwJVTrBhaz-JOMB2vcmetEz1VQLeyPSXtqA7iVlST_wwwUe9EwpOKFShLZz-MYyPNoOKiXhaEbaskK8IV0zKIllErVkzx0CajTNdglVByevZjTyIeTW41Q/s1600/heaven.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYLcFT7L5I8VBmpPfs1dBi0OwJVTrBhaz-JOMB2vcmetEz1VQLeyPSXtqA7iVlST_wwwUe9EwpOKFShLZz-MYyPNoOKiXhaEbaskK8IV0zKIllErVkzx0CajTNdglVByevZjTyIeTW41Q/s320/heaven.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">This answer by the student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.</span><div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Here is the question.<br /> </span><div style="text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: large;">Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? <br /> <br />Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.<br /> <br />One student, however, wrote the following: <br /><br />First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving, which is unlikely.<br /><br />I think we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.<br /><br /> Most of religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.<br /><br />With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.<br /> <br /><u>This gives us two possibilities:</u> <br /><br />1. If Hell is expanding at a <u>slower rate</u> than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose. <br /> <br /> 2. If Hell is expanding at a <u>rate faster</u> than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.<br /><br />So which is it? <br /><br />If we accept the postulate that was given to me by Anabella during my Freshman year that, '<i>It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you</i>,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. <br /><br />The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct ... leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Anabella kept shouting 'Oh my God.'<br /><br /><i><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>For the record this student received an A+!!</b></span></i></span><br /> </div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6363673175441560295.post-84659967924051347072015-04-27T08:11:00.000-07:002015-04-29T10:52:53.603-07:00Media Coverage of Local Government Events<span style="font-size: large;">A Village Trustee and his wife took a short vacation to New York to visit their son and his family. While in New York they took the grandchildren to the Bronx zoo. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">While at the zoo a little girl, not too far from them was leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly a lion grabbed the little girl by her jacket collar and tried to pull her inside the cage under the eyes of her screaming parents. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">The vacationing village trustee immediately ran over to the scene and hit the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Startled from the pain the lion jumped back and let the little girl go. The trustee picked up the girl and carried her over to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">A news reporter who was at the zoo witnessed the entire event and said "</span><i style="font-size: x-large;">Sir, that was the most gallant and brave thing I've seen a man do in my whole life." </i><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">The trustee tried to down play it and said "</span><i style="font-size: x-large;">It was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger and acted as I felt any decent human would.</i><span style="font-size: large;">" </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">The reporter says, "</span><i style="font-size: x-large;">Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page... So, what do you do for a living"? </i><br />
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<i style="font-size: x-large;">“Well, I am a local elected government official from Nebraska.</i><span style="font-size: large;">” he said. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">The journalist left and the following morning the headline on the front page of the Washington Post reads:</span><br />
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<b style="font-size: x-large;">GOVERNMENT OFFICIAL FROM NEBRASKA LASHES OUT AND ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AT THE BRONX ZOO</b><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>... and that my friends pretty much sums up the media's approach towards reporting on local government events these day</i></span><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>s.</i></span></b><br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6363673175441560295.post-69771883241386297322015-04-26T10:02:00.000-07:002015-05-14T06:33:04.386-07:00Local Government Official Martial Problem Resolved<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">A local township officer was devastated when he found out his wife was having an affair. T</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">o come to terms with this whole thing he </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">decided to change his religion. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">He converted to Islam; tomorrow morning his wife will be stoned in front of the mosque.</span><br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6363673175441560295.post-33199484582465487612015-04-19T11:24:00.000-07:002015-04-29T10:50:47.235-07:00The Public School Field Trip - a must read for all local and municipal public officials ... especialy School Board Members <span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">So with the weather turning nice an this inner city elementary school wanted to do some type of field trip for the 4th and 5th grade </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">students. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">One parent suggested a trip to State Capital but that was not considered because it was too far and would be too expensive for the school board. Another parent suggested a trip to the Mall of America but that was thought to be too dangerous for the kids – they might get lost. Someone then suggested a trip to a real live working farm. Everyone agreed that was a great idea as it would be a wonderful learning experience for every inner city kid.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">The trip was planned and a few weeks later several buses arrived in front of the school around 9:00 a.m. The kids loaded up and were taken to a real farm about 35 miles west of the city. The students had the opportunity to spend all day on the farm with the farmer, his wife, his family and all his ranch hands. <br /><br />The students got to watch the feeding operations, the milking operation, the barn clean-up process and some of the kids even got to help herd the sheep and chickens from one area of the farm to another. The kids really loved their day at the farm. <br /><br />The next day back at the school a member of the member of the school board showed up at the class. This member was opposed to the field trip concept and wanted to find out first had if the children enjoyed their trip and to determine if it was worth spending the additional taxpayers' dollars on the transportation costs involved to take the children on this field trip. <br /><br />The school board member asked the class if the field trip was good. Unanimously the kids shouted, "Yeah it was great." </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">"Well," asked the school board member, "what was the best part of the trip?" </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">One kid said, "The smells – I have never smelt any kind of air like that before in the city." </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Another said, "I liked wide open spaces – I have never seen so much wide open land like that anywhere in the city."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Finally a third student said, "I loved all the different sounds we heard." <br /><br />"The sounds?" asked the school board member. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">"Yeah," yelled the kids, "there were all kinds of sounds out on the farm that we never hear in the city." </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">"Like, what kinds of sounds did you hear?" asked the school board member.<br /><br />One little boy said, "Moo Moo - it was great hearing that sound all day." </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Another student yelled out, "Oink Oink - that was the best sound I ever heard. I never heard that sound before in my whole entire life." </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Still a third yelled out, "Baa Baa - I never knew sheep could talk." said a little girl.<br /><br />In the back of the room sat quietly one little boy who was well known throughout the school and by all the school board members for always getting into trouble so the school board member asked, "And Billy, was there a sound that you liked hearing all day yesterday out on the farm?" </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">"Yes mam," he replied, "there sure was." </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">"Well what was it?" </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">He said, "It was “the farmer yelling at me all day '<b><i>Get down off that F^&@%$# tractor kid!'"</i></b></span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6363673175441560295.post-62450563285838760642015-04-05T09:59:00.001-07:002015-04-17T08:05:27.630-07:00The Newly Wed City Council Member<span style="font-size: large;">A younger member on the City Council decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: large;">One evening about a week after their honeymoon, he was out in the garage after supper cleaning his golf clubs for his Saturday game. His wife came out and stood by the bench to watch him. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">After a long period of silence she finally spoke, "<i>Honey, I've been thinking. Now that we are married I think it's time you quit playing so much golf. Maybe you should sell your clubs and cancel your membership at the golf club</i>." </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">The city council member froze and got a horrified look on his face. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">His wife said, "<i>Darling, what's wrong?</i>"</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: helveticaneue, serif;">He replied, "<i>There for a minute you were</i></span><i><span style="background-color: white; font-family: helveticaneue, serif;"> sounding like my </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: helveticaneue, serif;">ex-wife."</span></i><br style="background-color: white; font-family: helveticaneue, serif;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: helveticaneue, serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: helveticaneue, serif;">"<i>Ex wife!</i>" she screams, </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: helveticaneue, serif;">"<i>I didn't know you </i></span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: helveticaneue, serif;"><i>were married before!" </i></span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: helveticaneue, serif;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: helveticaneue, serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: helveticaneue, serif;"><i>"I </i></span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: helveticaneue, serif;"><i>wasn't."</i> he replied.</span></span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0