Saturday, April 22, 2017

Two Township Officers and the Bacon Tree

Two township officials were driving on a seldom used back road through an isolated stretch of the state to save time on their way to a State Township Officers Convention in the State Capital.  As luck would have it their car breaks down.

Now the two township officers are only vaguely familiar with the area however they both believe a gas station is just a few miles up the road so they get out of their vehicle and begin to walk in that direction. 








After walking about thirty minutes one of the township officers says to the other: "Hey do you smell that?” “Smell what the other replies”. “Bacon! Do you smell bacon” The other township official inhales deeply and says “Yeah it sure does smell like bacon!” 

Confused they keep on walking and there in the distance they see a small tree with lots of branches and every branch is covered with hot sizzling bacon. Some of the bacon strips are cherry wood smoked, some are hickory smoked and some are double smoked. Every imaginable kind of cured pork bacon one can think of is on that tree.

"Look” the one Township Official says – “it really is a bacon tree”. “No way” says the other – “it must be a mirage.”  “How do you know its a mirage?" the other asks.  "Well have you ever heard of a mirage that smells like bacon?” With that, the other township official bolts off and starts running towards the tree.

As he gets within 5 yards of the tree a couple of guys with guns suddenly appear from behind the rocks and start shooting at him. The township official is hit repeatedly with bullets and drops to the ground. Mortally wounded, bleeding profusely and in great pain he yells out to his colleague "go back – go back, it’s not a bacon tree!"

Confused and scared the other township officer laying on the ground to protect himself yells back to the other township official - "Well if it’s not a bacon tree what is it?" Using his last few breaths the wounded township official yells out

Its

Its

Its

Its

Its

Its

Its

Its

Its

Its

Its

{Get Ready!}

It’s ... a Ham bush."

Monday, April 10, 2017

Rare Photograph of President Abraham Lincoln


Wednesday, April 5, 2017

An Old Dear Abby Column Local Public Officials May Find of Interest

Dear Abby,

Last year I was diagnosed with cancer. While attending my chemo therapy sessions I met a truly wonderful woman, a public health nurse who works at the medical clinic. 








Since the doctors now say my cancer is in total remission I would like to ask this woman to marry me woman; however she comes from a very stable home and has a prestigious job; unfortunately, I do not. 

My parents divorced when I was four and we were raised first in foster homes then with various relatives throughout the state.  No one in the family has seen or spoken to our parents in years.

I have two brothers and two sisters. My older brother works for the County Highway Department and my young brother is serving a seven year stretch in a federal prison for internet fraud. My youngest sister, I am sad to say, is a prostitute and my older sister and her boyfriend are crack head junkies who make meth and sell it to earn money.

All things considered, I truly love this woman and believe we are soul mates. I want to be totally open and honest with her regarding my family so my question is should I tell her my oldest brother works for the County Highway Department?

Signed
Worried My Brother’s Job May Ruin My Marriage