Monday, October 22, 2012

Status of The County Hospital Patient

One day an elderly lady telephoned County Hospital. She timidly asked the receptionist if she could possibly speak to someone who could tell her how a patient in County Hospital was doing. 
The operator said, "I'll be glad to help.  What's the name and room number of the patient?" 
In her frail and tremulous voice she said, "Norma Findlay, Room 302."

The operator replied, "Let me place you with the nursing station on the third floor."   Within seconds, a nurse came on the phone and said, "County Hospital Third FloorI understand you are inquiring about Norma Findlay in room 302.  Well we have good news for you.  I spoke with her doctor when I came on shift tonight and just reviewed her file and I can tell you that Norma is doing very well.  Her blood pressure is fine and her blood work came back this afternoon and it was normal.  Her physician, Dr. Cohen, has her scheduled to be discharged tomorrow morning after he makes his rounds."

The old lady said, "Thank you; that's wonderful.  I was so worried about her.  God bless you for giving me such great  news." 
The nurse replied, "You're welcome Ma'am.  Are you  a relative of Norma?"  
"No dear," said the woman, "I'm Norma Findlay in Room 302 and no one tells me a damn thing in this County Hospital."

Thursday, October 11, 2012

High School Prank - Ruined the Shool Board's Public Hearing

There's an old saying that says boys will be boys and you we should never underestimate the ingenuity of teenage boys.  With that said -

On the night when the school board scheduled a public hearing to approve the new school year budget, several boys decided to have some fun.   They went to the school and let three goats loose inside the school not far from the auditorium where the budget public hearing was taking place.

However, before the boys turned the goats loose, they painted big red numbers on the side of each goat. The numbers they painted on the three goats were: 1, 2 and 4.

Hearing the loud commotion the goats were making in the hallway, the school board members, the school administrator, members of the staff and faculty, as well as many community residents who came to the budget hearing spent the rest of the night looking for goat No. 3.

Unfortunately, the public hearing on the school board meeting had to be rescheduled.

Thursday, October 4, 2012

The Township Officer's Wife

A well respected and admired county supervisor was married to a woman who constantly nagged him.  From morning till night she found fault with everything he did.  The only relief he ever got from his nagging wife was when he went to county board meetings or to attend one of the various committee meetings he volunteered to serve on.

One day, he invited a fellow county supervisor out to his farm to look at a new horse he recently bought.  Immediately his wife walked out to the barn where the two men were standing and began haranguing him about some trivial matter.  On and on she went, embarrassing him in front of his county colleague.
All of a sudden without provocation, the horse reared up and with both hind legs kicked her smack in the middle of her head.  She died instantly on the spot.

Several days later, a funeral service was held.  The minister, who was standing across the room, noticed something rather odd.  It seemed whenever a female mourner approached the county supervisor to share a few words in private the county supervisor would listen intently then nod his head up and down as if in total agreement.  However, whenever a male mourner approached the county supervisor to share some words in private, the county supervisor would shake his head from side to side signifying his total disagreement.

This odd behavior was consistent and went on throughout the entire service.  Towards the end of the service when most people had left and the county supervisor was alone, the minister walked over and asked, "I could not help but notice many women came to speak with you and every time they did you always nodded your head in agreement; however, whenever a man approached you, I noticed you'd shake your head as if you were violently disagreeing."

The county supervisor replied, "Oh, that’s easy Reverend, most of the women came up to say how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so out of politeness, I'd nod in agreement."
"And what about the men?" the Minister asked.
"Oh, all they wanted to know if I would sell them my horse."