Wednesday, March 29, 2017

Why a Teacher's Lesson Plan Doesn't Always Work

A powerful lesson for teachers and educators.  Share with any public school teacher you know 

A minister wanted to add a powerful visual demonstration that would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon which was to focus on the evils and temptations we all face in life. So at the beginning of his service he placed four worms into four separate mason jars. 

The first worm was placed into a jar containing whiskey.

The second worm was placed in a jar containing cigarette smoke.

The third worm was into in a jar that contained pure chocolate syrup.

And the fourth worm was put into a jar of good clean soil.

He then proceeded with his service and gave actually did give a rousing sermon.  At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister walked over to the four jars and picked them up one at a time and then gave the following report:

The first worm in alcohol . . . . . . Dead!

The second worm in cigarette smoke . . Dead!

The third worm in chocolate syrup . . . Dead!.

The fourth worm in good clean soil . . Alive and doing well!

The Minister then looked out over his congregation and asked;

"So, my friends? What did we learn today from this demonstration?"

Maxine, a devoted member of the church, who was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said . . .

"Reverend as long as we drink, smoke and eat chocolate, we won't have any worms!"

That pretty much ended the service right there!

Sunday, March 19, 2017

Elected Official's Marital Problems Averted

A married County Board member began having an affair with one of the secretaries in the courthouse. One day their passions overcame them and they left the courthouse in the afternoon to spend time together at her apartment.

Exhausted from their afternoon’s activities they both fell asleep on her bed and awoke around 8PM. As the County Board member began putting his clothes on he asked his lady friend to take his shoes outside and thoroughly rub them through the grass in the backyard several times.

Though somewhat confused by his request, she did as told and rubbed his shoes over and over again in the tall grass in the backyard. When she returned he put his shoes on, kissed her, said good-bye and jumped in his car and drove home.

When the County Board member arrived home his wife was furious. She said she had called the courthouse several times during the afternoon and early evening hours and no one had seen him or knew where he was. She demanded to know where he had been.

Darling he said – I can’t lie. I met a woman and we have been having an affair. This afternoon we went to her house and spent the afternoon there. I fell asleep in her bed and did not wake up until after 8PM. 

The wife glanced down at his shoes and said – Liar!. You have been out playing golf again haven’t you?

County Jail Escape

Did you hear about the midget fortune-teller who escaped from the County Jail? She is officially classified by the Sheriffs Department a small medium at large.

Tuesday, March 14, 2017

Potential Public Safety Advisory

Thursday, March 9, 2017

Good Humor for rural and non-urban Government Officials

A young preacher recently came upon a farmer working in his field.

Being concerned about the farmer's soul the preacher asked the man, "Are you laboring in the vineyard of the Lord my good man?"

Not even looking at the preacher and continuing his work the farmer replied, "Naw, these are soybeans."

"You don't understand," said the preacher. "Are you lost?"

"Naw! I've lived here all my life," answered the farmer.

"Are you prepared for the resurrection?" the frustrated preacher asked.

This caught the farmer's attention and he asked, "When's it gonna be?"

Thinking he had accomplished something the young preacher replied, "It could be today, tomorrow, or the next day."

Taking a handkerchief from his back pocket and wiping his brow, the farmer remarked, "Well, don't mention it to my wife.

She don't get out much and she'll wanna go all three days.

Wednesday, March 8, 2017

Local DMV driver testing

A newly arrived immigrant from Warsaw, Poland went to the local DMV office to apply for a driver's license. First, he was administered a written exam which he passed with a score of 100% correct.

Next he was directed to take the regulation eye sight test. The DMV agent had him stand with his toes touching a white line on the carpet then he directed the man to read out loud all the letters on the third line of a chart hanging on the wall. 

The driver license applicant squinted then read out loud:

 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z'
'Did you have any problem reading that? asked the DMV agent'? "Not at all, I know the guy - we went to school together.'