Sunday, March 22, 2015

Attention Local Government Public Officials - Interesting History Regarding The “F” Word

Regardless of their age or religious beliefs, most Americans do not condone the use of the "F" word in public – ever! 

However, a study released by the Smithsonian Institute this past January (2015) indicated a panel of academic scholars did agreed that there were nine times in human history where they thought the use of  the "F" word was appropriate and justified to be used in public.  

Those nine times approved by the Smithsoian were:

9.  566 - Italian artist Michelangelo, while speaking to the Pope said = "You want me to paint a picture across this whole @#$%ing ceiling?”

8.  877 - US Army Calvary General George A. Custer when he turned to his personal aide,  Major Randolph Dwight, and the 7th Army's Lead Bugler, Sgt Sam Johnston, and said, "Where the @#$% are all these Indians coming from?"
7.  905 - famed magician Harry Houdini while in New York City watching a young new magician perform a magic trick on Broadway turned to his wife, Bess, and the others in his VIP theater box and said, "How the @#$% did he do that?"
6.  1912 Senior Pastry Chef, Fritz Mullenbacher on the Rms Titanic, yelled from the ship’s galley and said, "Where the @#$% is all this water coming from?" 
5.  1926 Pablo Picasso a young Spanish painter named defending a portrait of a lady he just recently painted by saying "It does so look like a @#$%ing woman!"

4.  1937 Amelia Earhart (world-renowned female aviator) on a trans-pacific flight, turned to her all male flight crew and said, "Does anyone know where the @#$% we are?"

3.  1945 (June) while sorting a pile of mail at the Japanese Imperial Post Office in Hiroshima City, Japan, postal employee Yoshita Harada yelled to his colleagues after hearing a loud bang outside said "What the @#$% was that?"
2.  1953 when Albert Einstein, a visiting professor at Princeton University was asked by a young New York Times reporter if Einstein would once again explain his most recent mathematical equation, Einstein turned to the young reporter and said, "What the @#$% are you talking about? Any @#$%ing idiot can understand that!"
1. 1988 American President Bill Clinton said to a female intern who was working at the White House, "Aw c'mon Baby who the @#$% is going to find out?"
It’s interesting to note that the panel of Smithsonian Scholars came close to considering one additional event; however due to on panelist objecting saying it was not appropriate that event was omitted. That particular incident occurred way back in 4314 BC when an ship builder, named Noah, said, "You call this a period of @#$%ing scattered rain showers?"

Sunday, March 1, 2015

A City Council Member Supports Local Economic Development

A city council member who has publicly decided to support local businesses visits a new hardware store that recently opened in town. He had heard from several of his neighbors and friends that this was a very high-tech store; it had all kinds of modern security systems in place and the store’s owners had established a 'zero tolerance' policy regarding shoplifting. They had strict customer rules and even hired their own internal security guards to ensure no one could shoplift.

Upon arriving at the new hardware store, the city council member causally walked down all aisles. He was genuinely impressed as he admired all the unique and various merchandise items the store had stocked on its shelves. He placed several items he thought he could use in his shopping cart. 

After he finished shopping, he proceeded to the check-out counter where he placed all the items he had gathered on the conveyor belt and then reached into his coat pocket to pull out his credit card. Just then a rather large, mean looking, burly man wearing a tight red T-shirt emblazoned with white letters that said Security walked over. The security guard looked directly at the city council member and in a very husky voice said: "Sir strip down, facing me." 

What?” said the city council member? 

I said strip down, facing me.” replied the security guard. Thinking this was all part of the store’s extreme security measures, the city council member did exactly as he was instructed. He stripped down, totally naked then turned to face the security guard.

After all the hysterical laughter in the store subsided the young lady behind the check-out counter said, “Sir, Mike, our security guard, was referring to how you should place your credit card in the card-reader – 'strip down, facing him'.

Rumor now has it the city council member has vowed never to return to that hardware store again.