Thursday, February 24, 2011

The Township Officer and his Guns

A reporter was sitting in the frontroom of the newly elected Towship President conducting an interview when out of the blue she asked asked "Do you have a gun in the house". "I sure do, I have several of them around the house" replied the Township President. 

"Are they all loaded!" "Why of course they are all loaded, none of them can work without bullets!" The reporter then asked, "Are you that afraid that someone evil might come in your house?" The Towship Officer replied “No not at all  - and I assure you I am not afraid of the house catching on fire either, but I do have several fire extinguishers around the and they are all loaded too.”

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

The Sheriff and the Local Awards Banquet

A County sheriff was invited to attend an awards banquet hosted by a local Chamber of Commerice to recongize the outstanding citizens of the year. When he arrived one of the ladies on the planning committee commented 'Sheriff, I see you are wering your revolver tonight. Are you expecting trouble tonight?' 'No Ma'am,' the Sheriff replied. 'If I were expecting trouble, I would have brought my shotgun.'

Thursday, February 10, 2011

The County Nursing Home

A newly elected County Board Member campaigned on the platform of “No new taxes”.  Upon entering office he quickly discovered skyrocketing costs at the County’s nursing home and scheduled an appointment to meet with the Chief of Staff.

Not one to beat around the bush, he came right out and asked: "Doctor,  what criteria do you and your staff use to determine if a county resident should be admitted to our nursing home?  "Well," said the Doctor, "We normally meet with family members and ask lots of questons. If our interviews with the family prove  inconclusive, we fill a bathtub with warm water and bring the county resident in for questioning.  We stand near the sink where a teaspoon, a teacup and 3 gallon plastic bucket have all been put on display and then we ask the county resident to empty all the water out of the tub as quickly as possible.

"Oh, I get it said the new County Board Member, a normal person would take the plastic bucket because it is bigger than the spoon or the cup." "No" said the said the Doctor "A normal person would just pull the drain plug."

Friday, February 4, 2011

The Phone Call

The newly elected Mayor arrived at city hall office early on the morning of January 2nd.  He wanted to bring in his personal effects to his new office before the employees and public arrived. While hanging pictures and plaques on the wall he noticed a man coming down the hallway headed straight for his office.

Wanting to create a good impression with the first visitor to his office the Mayor put down his hammer, jumped in his chair and picked up the phone. Immediaely, te began pretending he was negotiating a big deal for the city. He voice was loud and he spoke in a firm tone. He kept reminding the person on the phone to look at the big picture and assured him that his financial commitment to the city would pay big dividends for years to come. All the while he talked the visitor in his office waited politely.

Finally, the Mayor said, Thank you, I look forward to working with you.  After he put down the phone, he recognized his visitor and asked how can I help you? I’m with the phone company and I am here to connect your phone the visitor said.