Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Is It or Isn't It?

The County Board Chair had just returned from a six-week vacation to Florida and there was a County Board meeting scheduled at 4PM.   Being the conscientious person he was, he arrived at the courthouse early, around 2PM.   He wanted to walk around the building to make sure all was okay and also to touch base with a few key people to find out if anything significant happened while he was away.

His first stop was the Zoning Department where he met with the Zoning Director.   Immediately the Zoning Director asked, “Have you met Nookie Green our new Public Health Nurse?" 
"No, why?" asked the County Board Chair.   "She is definitely a knockout; wait till you meet her."

After leaving the Zoning Department, the County Board Chair walked down to the Veteran's Service Office and met with the VA coordinator.  The first thing the VA Coordinator asked was, “Have you met Nookie Green yet?” 
No," said the Board Chair, "Why?" 
"She is absolutely gorgeous the VA Coordinator replied.
Finally, the Board Chair went to the Treasurer's Officer to speak with the County Treasurer.   The Treasurer immediately asked, "Have you met Nookie Green yet?" 
"No," he replied.
"Well, wait till you do – she will blow you away ... she is just so stunning it is unbelievable."

Well, it was getting close to 4PM so the County Board Chair made his way to the board room.   As he took his seat and began to lay out his board meeting documents, he could not help but notice a tall, voluptuous, drop-dead gorgeous redheaded woman enter the board room.  Immediately the eyes of every man in the board room focused on her as she slowly sashayed to a seat up in the front row.

She was wearing an attractive, form-fitting, short, bright green dress with matching, shiny (patent leather) emerald-green shoes.   When she sat down, she sat with her legs slightly parted and it appeared to the County Board Chair that she wasn't wearing any under garments.

Flabbergasted, the County Board Chair turned slowly to the  Board colleague on his right and whispered, "Look at that redheaded woman in the front row -  is that Nookie Green?" 
Appearing shocked by the question, his  colleague looked up at the woman for a few seconds then calmly turned to the Board Chair and whispered ..."No, I think that's just a reflection from her shoes."

Monday, May 6, 2013

Why Some States Have A Fiscal Crisis

A mayor from a large urban community took his family on a week’s vacation to a rustic cabin in a rural part of the state. On the second morning, the mayor decided to go for a jog with the family dog along a scenic nature trail.  While jogging, a coyote ran out of the woods, growled fiercely, then  attacked the mayor's dog. 
The mayor tries to pull the coyote off and is bitten in the hand.  While holding his bleeding hand, he reflects on one of his favorite childhood movies - "Bambi".   The mayor realizes the coyote is only doing what comes naturally.  After a few minutes, the coyote releases its hold on the dog and runs back into the woods.

The mayor carries his wounded dog back to the cabin and  calls 911 to report the incident.  An animal control officer is dispatched and captures the coyote.  The coyote is taken to a local veterinarian clinic and tested for diseases.  No diseases are found and the coyote is relocated to a less populated part of the state.

The mayor, on his own, calls another local veterinarian to examine his dog.  The dog's wounds are cleaned, the dog is given several stitches and pain pills are prescribed.

To insure he is alright, the mayor’s wife insists he go to the local hospital emergency room to get checked for any diseases and have his hand looked at.   The doctor in the ER, has blood drawn, gives the mayor four stitches, then bandages up his wounds.
The County Board - to be safe - decides to close the jogging trail for 90 days and asks the State Fish & Game Department to conduct a survey of the area to make sure the area is free of any other dangerous coyotes.

To prevent future coyote encounters, the County has the Sheriff's Department, in conjunction with the Public Health Office, establish a Coyote Awareness Program (CAP).

PETA hears about the relocation of the coyote to another part of the state and files a federal injunction to prevent any  future relocation of coyotes.  A trial date is currently pending with a federal judge in district court.

Veterinarian bill to test the coyote for rabies - $200. 
Cost to relocate the coyote - $750.
Veterinarian bill for examining the mayor's dog - $150.
Emergency room bill for the mayor - $1,100

Cost for the Fish & Game Department survey - $9,000.
Cost to fund the Coyote Awareness Program - $13,000 

Across the border in another state - a local township officer is out taking his morning jog with his dog.  They are in a rural area on a nature trail.  As luck would have it, a coyote jumps out of the woods and prepares to attack his dog.   The township officer pulls out a small pistol from his fanny pack and shoots the coyote before it can harm his dog.  The township officer and his dog continue their jog.  Crows soon fly in the area and eat the dead coyote. 

The costs?
Estimate $.06 for a .22 hollow point cartridge.

And this my friends helps explain why some states have a fiscal crisis and others don't.