Little Bruce and his girlfriend Jenny were only 10 years old but they knew they were very much in love. Bruce made an appointment to meet with Jenny’s father, who happened to be the Village President where they lived; to ask for her hand in marriage. When Bruce arrived at the Village Hall he bravely walked into the President's Office and introduced himself to the receptionist. She asked him to take a seat.
When the Village President came out he invited little Bruce into his off where upon little Bruce immediately said "Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for your blessing to marry her." Thinking this was just the cutest thing, he had ever heard the Village President replied, "Well Bruce, you and Jenny are only 10. Where will you two live?" Without taking a moment to think about his answer, Bruce replied, "In Jenny's room Sir. It's bigger than mine and we are sure we can both fit in there nicely."
Still thinking this was just adorable, The Village President asked with a grin, "Okay Bruce then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job and you'll need money to support my daughter." Again, Bruce instantly replied, "Our allowances Sir. Jenny gets 5 bucks a week and I get 10. That's 60 bucks a month and that should do us just fine."
The Village President was really amazed that Bruce had put so much thought into this. Trying come up with something that Bruce wouldn't have an answer for the Village President thought for a moment then said, "Well Bruce, it seems like you have got everything all figured out. I just have one final question before I can give you my blessing. What will you and Jenny do if she gets pregnant?" Bruce just shrugged his shoulders and said "Well, Sir, we've been lucky so far." The Village President no long thought Bruce was adorable and asked him to leave his office.
Monday, July 11, 2011
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Explaining The Federal Stimulus Plan
After class ended a young college student approached his economics professor and said, "Sir I don't understanding why the economic stimulus bill passed by Congress a few years ago has not benefited our local community as expected. Can you explain why?"
"Sure, I’d love to, replied the professor but I don't have time right now; however if you will come to my house this evening after supper I'll be glad to explain why the federal stimulus bill has not worked and you can help me with a special project I am working on."
Around 7PM the student arrived at the professor's home and was told by the professor’s wife to go around backyard. The Professor who was in the backyard near his pool raking leaves and saw his student and walk over. He greeted the young man and handed him a large plastic bucket. "Watch carefully said the Professor as I demonstrate what I would like you to do. First, go to the deep end of the pool and fill this bucket with water. Then bring the bucket back down here to the shallow end and empty it here in the pool. Got it?" The student nodded.
After three or four trips to the deep end with the bucket the student walked over to the professor and asked, "Sir, what are we trying to accomplish with this activity?" The professor replied 'we are trying to make the shallow end deeper". Rather then question his professor the student went back and make a few more trips with his bucket. Finally feeling frustrated he walked back to his professor's side and said "Sir I am sorry to say this but I believe we are wasting time." "What!" asked the professor - what are you talking about?
"Well Sir it seems to me that no matter how much water we take from the deep end and put in the shallow end the water levels at both ends of the pool are going to remain the same"
The professor put down his rake, stood straight up, grabbed the student by his shoulders and said, "Congratulations. You now understand why the federal stimulus plan has not achieved the desired results it was suppose have in our local communities."
"Sure, I’d love to, replied the professor but I don't have time right now; however if you will come to my house this evening after supper I'll be glad to explain why the federal stimulus bill has not worked and you can help me with a special project I am working on."
Around 7PM the student arrived at the professor's home and was told by the professor’s wife to go around backyard. The Professor who was in the backyard near his pool raking leaves and saw his student and walk over. He greeted the young man and handed him a large plastic bucket. "Watch carefully said the Professor as I demonstrate what I would like you to do. First, go to the deep end of the pool and fill this bucket with water. Then bring the bucket back down here to the shallow end and empty it here in the pool. Got it?" The student nodded.
After three or four trips to the deep end with the bucket the student walked over to the professor and asked, "Sir, what are we trying to accomplish with this activity?" The professor replied 'we are trying to make the shallow end deeper". Rather then question his professor the student went back and make a few more trips with his bucket. Finally feeling frustrated he walked back to his professor's side and said "Sir I am sorry to say this but I believe we are wasting time." "What!" asked the professor - what are you talking about?
"Well Sir it seems to me that no matter how much water we take from the deep end and put in the shallow end the water levels at both ends of the pool are going to remain the same"
The professor put down his rake, stood straight up, grabbed the student by his shoulders and said, "Congratulations. You now understand why the federal stimulus plan has not achieved the desired results it was suppose have in our local communities."
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
The Brain Trusters and Natural Born Citizens
Every community across the county has a small group of residents who meet daily at one of the local coffee shops. These groups tend to be comprised mainly of men who are either retired or self-employed. People who live in the area {especially every local public official} are aware of "their local group" because they proclaim to be the experts on everything. They believe they know what is wrong and who screwed it up.
Generally these groups are given affectionate names like the "the good ole boy club" or the one I like best "the local brain trust' .
Ironically no one in the community can actually recall when the, brain trust resolved anything or did anything good for the community; that's because the brain trust doesn't focus on solving problems, its delight comes from only identifying problems and then deciding who should be blamed. Sometimes the brain trust takes on the problems in the State and national government but their primary focus and real thrill comes from finding local problems - problems in the cities and counties they live and the school boards that serve their communities.
On one particular day the brain trust was discussing the qualifications to run for President of the United States. Some members in the brain trust believed that two of the existing requirements to run for President:
a) Be a natural born citizen, and
b) Be at least 35 years of age
were outdated and may only serve only to prevent capable people from running for President. One long time member of the brain trust - named Charlie - one of the more vocal members of this group openly stated the requirement to be a natural born citizen was totally unfair and down right discriminatory.
Few of the other brain trust members agreed with Charlie on this point and none were ready to concede to eliminate this requirement which really upset Charlie something fierce.
Charlie couldn't take it any more and finally shouted out: What makes a natural born American citizen any more qualified to lead this country than an American citizen who was born by C-section?"
Generally these groups are given affectionate names like the "the good ole boy club" or the one I like best "the local brain trust' .
Ironically no one in the community can actually recall when the, brain trust resolved anything or did anything good for the community; that's because the brain trust doesn't focus on solving problems, its delight comes from only identifying problems and then deciding who should be blamed. Sometimes the brain trust takes on the problems in the State and national government but their primary focus and real thrill comes from finding local problems - problems in the cities and counties they live and the school boards that serve their communities.
On one particular day the brain trust was discussing the qualifications to run for President of the United States. Some members in the brain trust believed that two of the existing requirements to run for President:
a) Be a natural born citizen, and
b) Be at least 35 years of age
were outdated and may only serve only to prevent capable people from running for President. One long time member of the brain trust - named Charlie - one of the more vocal members of this group openly stated the requirement to be a natural born citizen was totally unfair and down right discriminatory.
Few of the other brain trust members agreed with Charlie on this point and none were ready to concede to eliminate this requirement which really upset Charlie something fierce.
Charlie couldn't take it any more and finally shouted out: What makes a natural born American citizen any more qualified to lead this country than an American citizen who was born by C-section?"
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Local Public Official Prayer
Lord, Please keep your arm tightly wrapped around my shoulder and keep your hands firmly over my mouth. . . AMEN!
Friday, April 15, 2011
High School Paper Reporter and the Law Enforcement Officer
A High School reporter wanting to do a human-interest story for his School's Newspaper approached a local Law Enforcement Officer and asked "What kind of weapon do you carry"?
The Officer responded "Why a Smith & Wesson 45". "Why a Smith & Wesson 45?" asked the inquisitive young reporter" 'Because Smith & Wesson doesn't make a 46" replied the Officer.
The Officer responded "Why a Smith & Wesson 45". "Why a Smith & Wesson 45?" asked the inquisitive young reporter" 'Because Smith & Wesson doesn't make a 46" replied the Officer.
Friday, April 8, 2011
The Haircut
One day a florist went to his local barber on Monday morning. After his haircut, he pulled out his wallet to pay his bill and the barber replied, "I cannot accept any money from you today. This weekend my wife and I talked and we both agreed life has been good to us in this city and consequently this week I will do a community service and all haircuts will be free." The florist was extremely impressed when left the barber shop. Bright and early the next morning a package arrived at the barber shop. It was a 'Thank You Card' and a dozen roses'.
The first customer at the barber shop on Tuesday morning, was the local baker. When he tried to pay for his haircut, the barber replied, "Life in this city has been good this week I cannot accept any money for haircuts - I want to do a community service." The baker was happy as he left the barber shop. The next morning when the barber arrived to open up shop there was a 'Thank You Card' and a two dozen donuts' waiting for him at the door.
The first customer on Wednesday morning was a local City Alderman, when he went to pay his bill, the barber replied, "I cannot accept your money; I am doing a community service this week to say Thank You to this wonderful community." The Alderman smiled as he left. Within 30 minutes the other five city Alderman were at the barbershop waiting in line for their free haircuts and donut.
The first customer at the barber shop on Tuesday morning, was the local baker. When he tried to pay for his haircut, the barber replied, "Life in this city has been good this week I cannot accept any money for haircuts - I want to do a community service." The baker was happy as he left the barber shop. The next morning when the barber arrived to open up shop there was a 'Thank You Card' and a two dozen donuts' waiting for him at the door.
The first customer on Wednesday morning was a local City Alderman, when he went to pay his bill, the barber replied, "I cannot accept your money; I am doing a community service this week to say Thank You to this wonderful community." The Alderman smiled as he left. Within 30 minutes the other five city Alderman were at the barbershop waiting in line for their free haircuts and donut.
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