Thursday, April 21, 2011
Local Public Official Prayer
Lord, Please keep your arm tightly wrapped around my shoulder and keep your hands firmly over my mouth. . . AMEN!
Friday, April 15, 2011
High School Paper Reporter and the Law Enforcement Officer
A High School reporter wanting to do a human-interest story for his School's Newspaper approached a local Law Enforcement Officer and asked "What kind of weapon do you carry"?
The Officer responded "Why a Smith & Wesson 45". "Why a Smith & Wesson 45?" asked the inquisitive young reporter" 'Because Smith & Wesson doesn't make a 46" replied the Officer.
The Officer responded "Why a Smith & Wesson 45". "Why a Smith & Wesson 45?" asked the inquisitive young reporter" 'Because Smith & Wesson doesn't make a 46" replied the Officer.
Friday, April 8, 2011
The Haircut
One day a florist went to his local barber on Monday morning. After his haircut, he pulled out his wallet to pay his bill and the barber replied, "I cannot accept any money from you today. This weekend my wife and I talked and we both agreed life has been good to us in this city and consequently this week I will do a community service and all haircuts will be free." The florist was extremely impressed when left the barber shop. Bright and early the next morning a package arrived at the barber shop. It was a 'Thank You Card' and a dozen roses'.
The first customer at the barber shop on Tuesday morning, was the local baker. When he tried to pay for his haircut, the barber replied, "Life in this city has been good this week I cannot accept any money for haircuts - I want to do a community service." The baker was happy as he left the barber shop. The next morning when the barber arrived to open up shop there was a 'Thank You Card' and a two dozen donuts' waiting for him at the door.
The first customer on Wednesday morning was a local City Alderman, when he went to pay his bill, the barber replied, "I cannot accept your money; I am doing a community service this week to say Thank You to this wonderful community." The Alderman smiled as he left. Within 30 minutes the other five city Alderman were at the barbershop waiting in line for their free haircuts and donut.
The first customer at the barber shop on Tuesday morning, was the local baker. When he tried to pay for his haircut, the barber replied, "Life in this city has been good this week I cannot accept any money for haircuts - I want to do a community service." The baker was happy as he left the barber shop. The next morning when the barber arrived to open up shop there was a 'Thank You Card' and a two dozen donuts' waiting for him at the door.
The first customer on Wednesday morning was a local City Alderman, when he went to pay his bill, the barber replied, "I cannot accept your money; I am doing a community service this week to say Thank You to this wonderful community." The Alderman smiled as he left. Within 30 minutes the other five city Alderman were at the barbershop waiting in line for their free haircuts and donut.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
No Dog for the Fire Department
It was that dreaded time of the year when the city had to approve its new annual budget. The council chambers at city hall were packed with the Citizens Against New Taxes – CANT. As the Mayor opened the meeting the citizens of CANT began chanting “eliminate government waste eliminate government waste”.
Hearing enough of the chanting one city council member stated WE HAVE CUT ALL WASTE IN OUR CITY. IF YOUR GROUP THINKS THERE IS WASTE IN OUR CITY GOVERNMENT PLEASE TELL US WHERE YOU THINK IT IS?
One member of CANT yelled “The Fire Department.” Shocked the Mayor asked “where in the Fire Department do you see waste?” “The Dog” someone yelled. “You have a dog assigned to the Fire Department. Why? The dog must be fed, groomed and housed which all costs money. Why do you have to have a dog in the Fire Department? Other surrounding fire departments don’t.”
“Chief” the Mayor asked “would respond.” The chief stepped forward and said “sure”.
“Does the dog help you fight fires?” “No”, said the Chief.
“Does the dog help with crow control another asked?” “No”, said the Chief again.
“Does he bring your department good luck when you’re fighting fires” another chuckled? No, again the Chief said.
“Well then why in heaven’s sake do you need a damn dog in the fire department” the leader of CANT asked.
Well the Chief said two years ago because of your concerns the city council voted to eliminate our GPS support system.
Last year because of your demands to reduce taxes the city council passed a moratorium on the purchase of new maps, reference guides and plate books.
“Well what does any of that have to do with the dog in your fire department?” Asked the group leader. “We need the dog” the chief said “so our volunteer fire fighting personal can locate the fire hydrant when they arrive at the scene of a fire”.
Hearing enough of the chanting one city council member stated WE HAVE CUT ALL WASTE IN OUR CITY. IF YOUR GROUP THINKS THERE IS WASTE IN OUR CITY GOVERNMENT PLEASE TELL US WHERE YOU THINK IT IS?
One member of CANT yelled “The Fire Department.” Shocked the Mayor asked “where in the Fire Department do you see waste?” “The Dog” someone yelled. “You have a dog assigned to the Fire Department. Why? The dog must be fed, groomed and housed which all costs money. Why do you have to have a dog in the Fire Department? Other surrounding fire departments don’t.”
“Chief” the Mayor asked “would respond.” The chief stepped forward and said “sure”.
“Does the dog help you fight fires?” “No”, said the Chief.
“Does the dog help with crow control another asked?” “No”, said the Chief again.
“Does he bring your department good luck when you’re fighting fires” another chuckled? No, again the Chief said.
“Well then why in heaven’s sake do you need a damn dog in the fire department” the leader of CANT asked.
Well the Chief said two years ago because of your concerns the city council voted to eliminate our GPS support system.
Last year because of your demands to reduce taxes the city council passed a moratorium on the purchase of new maps, reference guides and plate books.
“Well what does any of that have to do with the dog in your fire department?” Asked the group leader. “We need the dog” the chief said “so our volunteer fire fighting personal can locate the fire hydrant when they arrive at the scene of a fire”.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
The Township Officer and his Guns
A reporter was sitting in the frontroom of the newly elected Towship President conducting an interview when out of the blue she asked asked "Do you have a gun in the house". "I sure do, I have several of them around the house" replied the Township President.
"Are they all loaded!" "Why of course they are all loaded, none of them can work without bullets!" The reporter then asked, "Are you that afraid that someone evil might come in your house?" The Towship Officer replied “No not at all - and I assure you I am not afraid of the house catching on fire either, but I do have several fire extinguishers around the and they are all loaded too.”
"Are they all loaded!" "Why of course they are all loaded, none of them can work without bullets!" The reporter then asked, "Are you that afraid that someone evil might come in your house?" The Towship Officer replied “No not at all - and I assure you I am not afraid of the house catching on fire either, but I do have several fire extinguishers around the and they are all loaded too.”
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
The Sheriff and the Local Awards Banquet
A County sheriff was invited to attend an awards banquet hosted by a local Chamber of Commerice to recongize the outstanding citizens of the year. When he arrived one of the ladies on the planning committee commented 'Sheriff, I see you are wering your revolver tonight. Are you expecting trouble tonight?' 'No Ma'am,' the Sheriff replied. 'If I were expecting trouble, I would have brought my shotgun.'
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