Tuesday, March 18, 2014

The Mayoral Race

Local elections were just one week away and the mayoral race was going to be a close call. Several candidates were in the running as the long-seated and well-respected mayor had decided to retire and move to Arizona. As luck would have it, one of the candidates, “a dark horse candidate” with very little political savvy, was out doing door-to-door campaigning when he heard many residents in the neighborhood shouting that a young lady was about to jump off the Murray Street bridge.

Thinking this was a significant event which he, as a mayoral candidate should be a part of, he ran as fast as he could over to Murray Street to see first-hand what was going on. When he arrived at the bridge, a large crowd had already gathered there and everyone was trying to walk up on the bridge to get a closer look. However law enforcement officers from the city, some surrounding townships and the county sheriff’s department were all lined up on the bridge desperately trying to hold back the crowd and the media crews.

Seeing this as great opportunity to get his name in the paper, the candidate pushed his way through the crowd and told the law enforcement officers to let him through as he was a candidate for mayor. He ran up to the county deputy who was by the railing trying to talk the young lady off the railing and said, “Officer, I will take over from here.”

Without any formal training or special knowledge of how to handle a situation like this – a person about to commit suicide - the candidate walked over to the young woman, looked her square in the eyes and said, "Hey Baby, whatcha doin' up there on that railin'?" 

She tearfully replied, "I'm going to jump and commit suicide!!"

Wanting to appear sensitive, because he knew if he played his cards right this was going to be a once in a lifetime "be-a-legend" type opportunity so he asked her a question. "Before you jump, Honey, would you come over here and give me a big kiss that I can always remember? Be sure to make it your best kiss ever as it will be your last and my last from you."

Stunned by the question and obviously hesitating, the young lady finally leaned toward the railing, wrapped her arms around the mayoral candidate and did just what he requested. She gave him the best kiss she had ever given in her life. It was a long, deep, passionate, lingering kiss followed by several more, each one better in intensity than the last. The media crews and reporters were going wild; their film was rolling and they were snapping up photos.

After the mayoral candidate and would-be jumper breathlessly finished their kisses, the would-be mayor heard a thunderous applause from the crowd; even the local law enforcement officials on crowd control showed their support with their applause. 

Just then the county deputy standing next to them leaned over and grabbed the young lady and pulled her back on the bridge. At the same time the reporters and media crews broke through the line and rushed over with their films still rolling and their cameras still clicking away. Wanting the media to get all of this, the candidate kept on going.

"Wow Baby! That was the best kiss I have ever had! You have a real talent as a kisser and I should know, I am a pretty good kisser myself. Are you sure you want to waste your talent by jumping? I honestly believe you could be famous with kisses like that. How would you like to ride with me in my car tomorrow in the Founder’s Day parade? All of the other candidates running for mayor will be in this special parade and I would be proud to have you sit by me, by my side, in my car and wave to the crowd. Why the hell is someone as beautiful as you even thinking of committing suicide anyway, Sweetie?" 

"My parents, especially my Dad, don't like me dressing up like a girl."

The following week elections were held; this candidate did not win. In fact, final results showed he came in dead last. 

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