Unhealthy Foods

To help kick off a month long countywide anti-obesity campaign the County’s Public Health Director invited a senior dietician from the State Department of Public Health to address the County Board and give a brief report on unhealthy eating habits.

The State dietician began: The garbage most of us have put into our mouths over the years should have killed us long ago. The red meat we eat is difficult for our bodies to process, the carbonated soft drinks we consume each day destroy our intestinal linings and the fast foods we feast because they are cheap and quick to fix are loaded with deadly salt, sugars and fats. In addition, many of the fruits and vegetables we eat are unhealthy because of the fertilizers and pesticides growers apply to their fields. Few of us in this county board room realize there are lethal bacteria and toxins found in most local drinking water supplies. However, given all this there is still one food above all the rest that is even worse for us eat and even though it has been proven time and time again to be incredibly dangerous all of us have, or will, eat it at some time in our lives.

Would any County Board member like to guess what that one food is? The one food that causes humans - men and women alike - the most grief and suffering after eating it? The County Board member from district 3 raised his hand and said 'Wedding Cake.'

Western State Law Enforcement Mystery

Two sheriff’s deputies, out in a western state, were patrolling an extreme rural part of the county when they spotted an elderly American Native gentleman lying on his stomach alongside the gravel road with his ear pressed close to the ground.

The younger deputy looked at his senior partner and said "You see that? I bet he's listening to the ground. I’ll bet he can hear things for miles in all directions."

The two deputies park their vehicle and begin to slowly walk towards the man. As they got near the elderly American Native looked up at the two deputies and whispered faintly: "Ford Explorer, 12 miles away, traveling north. Man, woman, two children, dog. Towing a big red camping trailer."

"Incredible!" says the younger deputy "Not only can this man tell us how far away the vehicle is, he knows what make of vehicle it is, who the occupants inside the vehicle are, which direction the vehicle is traveling and that it is towing a big red camper trailer. My God this is truly amazing!"

The American Native looked up again at the two deputies and said in a louder voice, "No, No! It ran me over about 15 minutes ago."