The Differences Between Local Dairy Farmers

AMERICAN FARMERS
You have two cows. You create a corporation and sell one of your cows but lease it back to your corporation then do an IPO on the 2nd cow. You tell your foreman to raise the milk production of each cow and are surprised when one dies. You immediately send out a press release stating your dairy farm will downsize to reduce expenses and the price of your stock goes up.

CANADIAN FARMERS
You have two cows, one is of French descent, the other of English descent. Your English cow won't share any hay with the French cow and the French cow wants to control all the English cow's milk.

JAPANESE FARMERS
You have two cows. After analyzing their actions you redesign them so they are 40% smaller than most cows however they yield 35% more milk per milking. All your cows are good students, they study hard and excel in both math and science.

GERMAN FARMERS
You have two cows. You want purity in your herd so you start to gentically engineer your cows. Your goal is to have blond haired, blue eyed cows who can drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk and run extremely fast on the autobahn.

FRENCH FARMERS
You have two cows. You demand the government give you one more and go on strike. While on strike you drink lots of wine. Life is good.

ITALIAN FARMERS
You have two cows but don't know where they are. You go in the fields to look for them and meet a beautiful woman. You invite her to lunch and the two of you enjoy the afternoon. Life is good.

RUSSIAN FARMERS
You government representative has given you two cows and a case of vodka. Later that day you go out to your field to count your cows and learn you now have five cows. Excited you have three extra cows you decide to drink another bottle of vodka. Later in the evening you re-count your cows and learn you now have 14. Life is good.

IRAQI FARMERS
You have two cows; however they have gone into hiding somewhere in the caves in the nearby mountains. Occasionally your cows release audio and video tapes of their mooing so you know they are still alive. Life good.

A FARMER FROM A FORMERLY EASTERN BLOC SOVIET NATION
You have two bulls. Several of your farm hands have been seriously maimed and a two have been killed trying to milk your bulls.

TALIBAN FARMERS
You possess all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two. Neither you or your farm hands milk them because you are not allowed to touch the private parts or any animal. You apply for and receive a $40 million grant from the US Government to find alternatives to milk production. Your grant is approved however when the money arrives you use it to buy weapons for local tribal leaders.