The Atheist Public School Science Teacher

A science teacher at the local high school who was a well-known atheist loved trekking in the woods.   One day while out hiking in a remote part of the county, he heard the rustling of bushes and then he saw a large bear charging  towards him.

Though he ran as fast as he could, he could not lose the bear who was now closing in on him.  In his confusion, he slipped and fell on the ground.  When he rolled over to pick himself up, he saw the bear right behind him, reaching for him with his left paw and getting ready to strike him with his right paw.  At that moment, the science teacher cried out, "Oh God, help me!" 

Time stopped - the bear froze and the county forest went totally silent.   The clouds parted and a bright light came down from the sky and was cast upon him.  He heard a deep voice bellow out from the sky,

"You deny my existence for all these years, you tell your friends I don't exist, and you teach your students that the creation of this wonderful planet you call Earth was just a cosmic accident.  Do you really expect me to help you in your time of need?"

The science teacher looked directly into the bright light, and said, "No, I guess not.  It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now in my hour of need; however, Lord, would it be too much of me to ask you to make the BEAR a Christian?"

"Very well," said the bellowing voice and then the bright light faded away, the sounds of the forest slowly returned and the bear's right paw dropped.  The bear brought both his paws together and grabbed the science teacher around the head.

The bear then bowed his head and spoke, "Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from Thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen."

The Village President's Daughter

Little Bruce and his girlfriend Jenny were only 10 years old but they knew they were very much in love.  Bruce made an appointment to meet with Jenny’s father, who happened to be the Village President where they lived; to ask for her hand in marriage.  When Bruce arrived at the Village Hall he bravely walked into the President's Office and introduced himself to the receptionist.  She asked him to take a seat. 
When the Village President came out he invited little Bruce into his off where upon little Bruce immediately said "Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for your blessing to marry her."  Thinking this was just the cutest thing, he had ever heard the Village President replied, "Well Bruce, you and Jenny are only 10. Where will you two live?" Without  taking a moment to think about his answer, Bruce replied, "In Jenny's room Sir. It's bigger than mine and we are sure we can both fit in there nicely."

Still thinking this was just adorable, The Village President asked with a grin, "Okay Bruce then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job and you'll need money to support my daughter." Again, Bruce instantly replied, "Our allowances Sir. Jenny gets 5 bucks a week and I get 10. That's 60 bucks a month and that should do us just fine."

The Village President was really amazed that Bruce had put so much thought into this.  Trying come up with something that Bruce wouldn't have an answer for the Village President thought for a moment then said, "Well Bruce, it seems like you have got everything all figured out. I just have one final question before I can give you my blessing. What will you and Jenny do if she gets pregnant?" Bruce just shrugged his shoulders and said "Well, Sir, we've been lucky so far." The Village President no long thought Bruce was adorable and asked him to leave his office.